


Operation Universe

by GlovedOne



Series: Operation Universe [1]
Category: Invader Zim, Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Action/Adventure, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Development, Crossover, Developing Friendships, Drama, F/F, Friendship, Gen, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, all artwork is by a good friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2020-01-13
Packaged: 2020-07-22 19:03:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 29,879
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19973614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GlovedOne/pseuds/GlovedOne
Summary: Operation Impending Doom! A plan for galactic Irken conquest, devised by the Almighty Tallest! And singlehandedly ruined by Zim. During the second attempt, Zim is sent far away to a "mystery planet", ensuring he won't ruin things. After a six month long trip, he's unexpectedly pulled off course and makes an accidental rough landing on the planet Earth. The abandoned Gem colony. Where the Rebellion was formed! Remaining Gems still defend the Earth from countless threats! Threats like Zim.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> And so it begins! I've been working on this story for two years now, I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it! Zim is so much fun to write for, I swear.

**Log Entry #1. Invader Zim reporting.**

I've been assigned by the Almighty Tallest a top secret mission. Everything has gone wrong since the Great Assigning. Whoever finds themselves reading this is most likely aware that Operation Impending Doom was a failure. A horrible failure, and it was all my fault. Not even putting the fires out would convince the Tallest to let me stick around. 

They banished me to Foodcourtia, but finding out about Operation Impending Doom 2 encouraged me to finally escape that horrible planet. All I ever wanted was to prove that I could be of service to the Irken Empire. Nothing made me happier than when the Tallest finally saw how deserving I was on Conventia. They assigned me to invade a planet so mysterious that those who have heard of it dare not speak its name! Shortly afterwards, I received a Standard-issue Information Retrieval Unit and took off in my Voot Cruiser. 

Month after month of enduring horrible singing (my robot slave likes singing) was simply awful. I wouldn't have come out of that mess with my sanity intact if not for my navigational system informing me that we arrived at our destination. But then I flew straight into an asteroid and that's when everything went wrong. 

My ship crashed and the first thing I saw was a strange temple. I've been here on this beach for only a few short minutes. I'll have to find a place to rest for the time being even if sleeping is frowned upon. Wait, I have a visual.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #2. Invader Zim reporting.**

I despise this pitiful speck of a planet. There are Gems living here! Records indicate these rebels were all wiped out ages ago but apparently they're here. On Earth. Yes, Earth. They discovered my ship before I could make repairs. 

I attempted to show them the meaning of... superior being. Unfortunately things didn't go so well and they somehow managed to defeat me with their primitive weapons. Even worse is that they've imprisoned me. They don't know how lucky they are to have defeated me in my weakened condition.

Now let's discuss the "Crystal Gems" as they prefer to be called. They don't take kindly to being called "Gem scum."

The tall one appears to be their leader. That makes perfect sense. She's rather straightforward and her word is final, the reason I'm not dead. Her name is Garnet. 

The purple one is loud and rude. She also happens to be the shortest, around my height. Maybe a little taller. That accursed whip she carries around must be destroyed. Her name is Amethyst. 

And then we have the pointy-nosed one. It's her I hate the most. Believing that Irkens are inferior to Gems. Calling us mindless animals. I'm zealously overconfident according to Pearl, but what does she know? Nothing more than an overly emotional defective who cries at the mention of a Gem named Rose Quartz. I don't even know who that is, but one of the natives mentioned her and I saw her tear up a little bit. 

The native knows how to speak basic. He's rather unimpressive. His name is Greg and he appears to be afraid of me. The only reason I've been able to type this log entry is because the Crystal Gems left to go do something. I need to contact the Almighty Tallest! They'll know what to do!

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #3. Invader Zim reporting.**

The Almighty Tallest have been made aware of my predicament and reinforcements are on their way. Tallest Red and Purple must've been worried sick about where I've been all this time! They just left for vacation and won't be able to answer any of my calls. 

Well that's just fine because this puny planet will be mine before the armada even gets here! Earth stands no chance against a mighty soldier with my superior training. The biggest threat to my mission would have to be the Crystal Gems. Getting them out of the way is the key to my victory. 

Our people haven't come into contact with Gems for a number of years and we don't know how powerful their empire must be. Wait, of course! That's why Tallest Red and Purple assigned me this mission! They must've known this would happen! I have to both prepare this planet for conquest and gather information on Gems. My Tallest entrusted me with such an important mission... and that's why I can't let them down. 

My plan is ingenious, there's no chance of failure! Part one involves convincing the Crystal Gems to repair my ship. I don't know what part two entails, or three or any of the others but rest assured this planet will be ripe for the impending invasion. 

Now, time to talk about my greatest enemies. They seem to be concerned about someone named "Steven." Is he their leader and not Garnet? Is he the champion of this planet? Greg also seems to be concerned and brought him up when talking about Rose Quartz. They don't want me anywhere near him, perhaps they're afraid he'll lose in a fight against me! 

To be fair, I'm not about to challenge anyone to a fight. I don't even know what happened to GIR after the Voot Cruiser crash-landed, I need to find that robot! He's important to the mission. Now I should probably head back out before someone opens the door, or Amethyst breaks it down. After all, I have been in the bathroom for the past ten minutes. 

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #4. Invader Zim reporting.**

The mission goes well. You'll never believe what I've just discovered... Steven is a human-alien hybrid. The offspring of Greg Universe and Rose Quartz. 

Disgusting! How could they possibly reproduce? Humans are such filthy creatures. And these Gem rebels must be even more low-class than I thought. Well, Pearl has agreed to assist me in repairing my ship. I made up some story about being an outcast, on the run from a mighty empire. 

Little do they know, I'm an Invader! Of the Irken Empire! 

These Gems are so old that the Irken Empire didn't even exist back in their day. Oh, and Pearl wants to revisit the wonders of the cosmos. What's the harm in taking her up to space? As long as it's for the sake of the mission? Can't get on my nerves more than the Doom Song. 

Speaking of which, I located GIR and he was wreaking havoc at an amusement park. Something must be done about him. That insane little robot could be the end of me! Almighty Tallest Purple told me that he's advanced, but so far nothing indicates this. 

When I picked up GIR from Beach City Funland, I tried installing a new guidance chip. But he threw it out to make room for some stupid cupcake! I tried using a compass to get back, it didn't work. Using the sun was a complete failure. I WENT BLIND! But only temporarily, I can see now. 

Amethyst led us back to the Crystal Temple, that was embarrassing. These Gems, I swear. Do they really think anything on Earth is worth saving? Well they're wrong! Just now, they left to go "bubble" some kind of monster. Like the heroes they are. Hopefully, they all come back in one piece. I need to study them after all, also repairing the Voot Cruiser would take up too much of my time without any help.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Special thanks to Endvoy, Megxolotl, Peridawesome, and nightmaster000 for leaving comments below! Megxolotl, your comment was super nice! It filled my heart with joy. Peridawesome and nightmaster000, I'm glad you're invested! There are several changes to this newer version of the story, they'll be made more apparent with every chapter. I would like to thank all you readers, it's a pleasure sharing Operation Universe with you!

**Log Entry #5. Invader Zim reporting.**

I've lived in a barn uphill for the past month. Yes, it's been a month. Better here than in the Crystal Temple. All to myself, the large variety of scrap shall serve me well. Scrap, and a stuffed dinosaur. Dinosaurs are giant extinct creatures that used to dominate the Earth. They're far from the most terrifying thing Earth has produced. No, that would be the rain. 

It never rains on Irk. As such I grew worried when I first heard the sound of thunder. A horrible roaring sound, like the roar of a Snarl Beast. Pearl assured me that it was safe to step outside, that the rain couldn't POSSIBLY be poisonous. Well she was WRONG and it HURT. IT HURT A LOT! Pearl felt so bad when she saw me squirming around that she offered to be my caretaker. At least for a time. Until the burning stopped. Side note, she likes to talk even more than I do! Kept going on and on about the rain cycle, like I cared. 

After that was over and done with, GIR asked if she could stay a little while. So that we would all watch an old movie he rented. And so we did. Aliens attacked the Earth, and they were felled by germs. I initially dismissed this as stupid human propaganda but Pearl couldn't even let me have that. She just had to teach me about germs. I just couldn't believe it, the battle for Earth fought in my fortress! I then got to cleaning with an assortment of mops, scrubbers and germ spray cans. Clean lemony fresh victory was achieved that day.

By the way, the Voot is almost fully operational. Things are moving along well! 

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #6. Invader Zim reporting.**

One week has passed since I entered the last log entry. Not only did a new threat emerge in that time, but Pearl and I teamed up to stop it! While we were in space. Indeed, the Voot can fly again. Pearl was enthusiastic to aid with repairs, having been stuck on Earth for thousands of years. It wasn't hard to get the ship up and running again. Nothing that drilling, screw-driving and blowtorching couldn't fix. 

I could tell she missed space. I've been away from it for 50 days and I missed it. I don't know what it is, but listening to her talk so passionately about the planets and the stars put a smile on my face. Briefly. Maybe it's because of my love for the stars, I dreamed of piloting a Voot when I was younger. I actually rescued mine from a junkyard. 

Anyway, enough about that. Pearl and I were heading back to Earth when suddenly, the Voot crashed into something. A dome, covering the planet. It was then that I realized it was stolen. By Planet Jackers. Curse those Planet Jackers! Sneaking up on unsuspecting civilizations and throwing worlds into their sun. To keep it burning, of course. I couldn't tell them about the treaty our races made, not with Pearl in tow. This required an AMAZING plan! 

I flew up to the coupling between their ship and the planet. The pods on the Voot detached and hovered down, moving in different directions and cutting through the shell. Pearl kept the Planet Jackers preoccupied, while the shell was cut through. Following the success of the mission, I picked Pearl up and we zoomed down into Earth.

Stupid Planet Jackers, forcing me to save the Earth. So that I can conquer it later. And now I'm back on Earth. That sure was something. 

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #7. Invader Zim reporting.**

Things haven't gone according to plan and convincing the Crystal Gems to trust me again will take a lot of work. 

But let me start from the beginning, with the space probe. It took me nearly two months to build a space probe, but that's something I used to do in my spare time back at the academy. So even with my limited supplies, I managed. Following protocol, I sent out the space probe to the nearby planet Mars in order to see if the barren world had any potential use for the Irken Empire. 

When the space probe brought back images of artificial-looking structures, I made the decision to fly to Mars. GIR tagged along for the ride. Investigating led me to stumble upon a control interface, the planet having been converted into a giant spaceship. It's people long extinct, I decided to use Mars to serve my own ends. I contacted the Tallest to alert them of my plan, and I was praised! Cheering could be heard for me and my efforts! I felt so good in that moment... then the Crystal Gems ruined everything! 

They somehow managed to find out about my plan and even hijacked a rocket ship! Probably from the NASA place. The Crystal Gems were at the helm of Mercury and our battle took us across the stars. I tried hurling moons at them, but they managed to come back around. We continued chasing each other and headed towards Saturn. GIR successfully steered their ship in another direction. Then I tried losing them in an asteroid belt but ended up getting pummeled by the asteroids. And the Crystal Gems still went out of their way to save me from certain death. Even after what I did, they are truly noble. 

Following my defeat, I made excuses. Well, I told the Tallest that I wanted to do a warm-up before conquering Earth. I told the Gems that a brain worm crawled into me, one that must've made it's way into the Voot Crusier and finally hatched. Garnet accepted this explanation, much to the confusion of the other two Gems. Then she picked me up by the front of my tunic. If we find ourselves in the same situation again, I'm ending up like the brain worm. A squashed bug. They walked outside of the barn an hour ago, yet the fear is just now leaving me.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #8. Invader Zim reporting.**

Today I met Steven. I didn’t plan on meeting him, and I wouldn't have if GIR hadn’t disappeared again. Later I learned that he was with Greg, but still, that’s the second time he’s gone missing! And what exactly was doing with Greg? Apparently listening to music. On a compact disc! Humans still use those! Incredible, I know. Greg called letting me know GIR crashed at his place (or maybe it wasn't his place) and I left the barn to pick him up. There was chitter-chatter, Greg then excused himself to go the bathroom. 

While he was gone, GIR began to prattle on about the CD and his new favorite song "Comet." He shouldn't get too attached to Earth Culture. Not when it's marked for conquest. I told him as such, then I heard mewling. As it turns out, Steven was there the whole time! I was in a panic, GIR had to calm me down. Yes, GIR. It was that bad. I wanted to interrogate Steven but his dad came back before I got the chance. I needed some time to be alone and think. How could I create an effective action plan with GIR and Greg droning on? Later the Crystal Gems too. 

They stopped by to drop off presents, I didn't think anything of it at the time. Baby Steven was later kidnapped. And not by me! Flipping the script, am I right? Now that I think about it, Pearl trying to pull out the boy's gem was surprisingly sinister. A very, very small part of me felt bad for him. VERY small. GIR was right, the baby is cute. But only a little. So is his laugh, it’s what made Pearl stop. Here's the confusing part, apparently Rose didn't just give birth to Steven? She gave up her physical form? Very unusual, I will look into this matter! Amethyst shapeshifted and Garnet did this thing I don't quite understand. There are so many things I don’t understand. How FRUSTRATING! 

Greg eventually caught up to the van. I forgot we were in his stupid van! I left to gather my thoughts inside, then the Crystal Gems stole it. None of them know what Steven is, so it isn’t just me. That makes me feel a little better.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you again for all the support! Megxolotl, Peridawesome, super special thank you to you for commenting and leaving kudos on the chapters! It means so much to me. Oh and I would also like to thank Looney Mooney for doing the same, she has her own crossover project titled "Invader Gems" go check it out if you haven't already! That's about it, I hope you enjoy reading chapter three!

**Log Entry #9. Invader Zim reporting.**

The probe droid, it captured some pictures inside of the Crystal Temple. While the Gems were away, of course. Just because the Mars mission was a total failure doesn't mean I have no use for the droid. Taking pictures of the enemy base has proven useful! 

Now I know that Pearl's room is filled with raised pools and waterfalls. Because of course it is. As for Amethyst's room, there are these giant messy piles everywhere. Nothing of any value was in the piles, only junk nobody needs. Well there were these neat purple crystals, I guess. Each room leads to the next, for example one of the waterfalls in Pearl's room led to Amethyst's room. And the puddles in her room led to various other rooms. One with rocky ledges, and several shards inside of it. That room led to what I believe to be the center of this base. That was the last room my little probe could take pictures of. 

Then it took some pictures of the beach. Sand, lots and lots of sand. The crashing of waves, gulls flocking. For the descendants of 'terrible lizards' these birds aren't exactly terrible. Actually, I thought of something funny. Pearl is a bird! Well not really, but think about it. Her nose looks like a beak and she squawks like one too! Ha, that's great. Speaking of Pearl, that reminds me. 

The pictures showed her summoning a mirror from her gemstone before warping. She seemed to be in a hurry, her and the other Crystal Gems. This mirror, it looked nice, so I took it from them. A trophy! They've been back for over an hour and bird brain seems to have forgotten about it! I celebrate small victories too. 

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #10. Invader Zim reporting.**

Victory! Sweet victory for Zim! A package crashed through the wall of the barn, and a Megadoomer was inside! Yes THE Megadoomer! The most powerful walker in the Irken Military, and my Tallest sent it to ME! They must really think I'm an amazing Invader! Engineered by Vort scientists, not Irkens. We simply took all the credit. They're fithy. 

I won't lie, GIR did ruin it for me a little. Comparing it to a chicken. But only a little. After all, it's still got a state of the art cloaking system and is bristling with weapons. I love weapons, weapons are nice. It is a bit much though. And I certainly can't use it right now, that would be jumping the gun. Jumping the gun is a phrase that I learned, it doesn't literally involve jumping over a gun. Human expressions sure are weird.

Anyhow, I won't be using this death machine until the time is right. No repeat of the Mars failure. Dealing with the Crystal Gems can be stressful! I had to make sure they didn't find the Megadoomer, the box it came in, or the packing peanuts. So many packing peanuts... GIR was swimming in a sea of them. He helped me big time, I was overthinking how to hide the Megadoomer from Garnet, Amethyst and Pearl. When he reminded me that I could turn the thing invisible! Silly me, right? So they came by later asking about the hole in the wall, and I told them that my package finally arrived! Then they asked me what was in the box. GIR saved me again, quick to say that I ordered the box for him to play in. Which, you know, he absolutely can if he wants to. Amethyst said she can respect that. Yeah. Thanks GIR.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #11. Invader Zim reporting.**

Today, I was abducted by two aliens wearing cheap costumes. They managed to trick GIR, but that honestly doesn't surprise me. Defensive mode seems to be malfunctioning for him, as he jumped into the sack they stuffed me in before we were beamed above their ship. 

Thankfully, these aliens happened to be really stupid. Presumably outcasts to their people sent far away from their homeworld in an attempt to get rid of them. Pathetic! They "fused" me to another human, which consisted of a gopher being taped to my head. They’re tunneling rodents. Couldn't tunnel it’s way out of a spaceship, though. 

Another captured being on the ship LATER informed me that several others were able to escape through a duct in the ceiling. He said something else as well, but it was too late for the blob-like being. I had already jumped up through the duct and left him behind. Luckily for him, those two aliens are so unbelievably stupid that the chances of him being hurt are incredibly low. After making my way through the ventilation shaft, I finally found the escape pod room. Then, I called for GIR and the two of us escaped with minimal resistance. 

Blue (not THAT Blue) and Green are dumber than any human despite being as tall as the Almighty Tallest themselves. Strange. Unfortunately, I had to go back when those two idiots later abducted Amethyst, they wanted her to mate with a chicken. For research purposes. I hope it was only for research purposes. At least they didn't put up much of a fight, they were deathly afraid of her. And her whip, as they should be. 

She also bought a chicken pizza at Fish Stew Pizza afterwards. Yeah, eating chicken. She turned into a chicken when I asked her if she felt uncomfortable eating chicken pizza. That was her answer. One final thought: Amethyst was amused to hear that our captors tried to "fuse" me to the gopher. What would that look like? I wonder. 

..

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #12. Invader Zim reporting.**

IT ACTUALLY TALKS. THE MIRROR, I MEAN. I DO NOT LIE. I WOULD NEVER LIE. Okay I've been lying to the Crystal Gems but this is different! I was in the barn speaking out loud to myself as I sometimes do. Not just speaking, but shouting. That’s what GIR’s idiocy does to me.

Why was I so angry with GIR? Earlier I attempted to taint the human beef supply with filth. I was pumping the cows as he manned the tractor beam. Then he started pressing random buttons, ruining everything! To think, the name of Invader Zim could've been synonymous with DOOKIE! Wait, that doesn't sound right. It sounded better in my head, moving on.

GIR needs fixing, like the Voot. The Voot which is now covered in human sewage thanks to GIR. And not just the Voot, but myself as well. I wish I could just lock him into duty-mode. Could I? I suppose it's possible. Should I build a behavioral modulator? Yes. I will definitely do this, but not right now. 

So anyway, I was very angry! Very angry indeed. Pacing back and forth, back and forth. Angry enough to start ranting about unrelated things! Raving about Pearl, and her stupid beak-like nose. That was what caused the mirror-me to laugh with gleeful abandon. Not one of my more ominous ones. I don't have just one laugh, no, I have many different types! I was confused at first! It was definitely my laughter, but where was it coming from? Mirror-me wanted to play a few tricks at first. Oh mirror-me, you're so much like me. Once mirror-me had his fun, I started talking to him! 

The mirror is almost it's own person, in a way, only able to talk using bits of my sentences. Combining them to speak! I told mirror-me how much the opportunity excites me. Having conversations with someone other than insane GIR! The mirror responded with "Zim is - weird - but I - like Zim!" You know what, I am weird. And I am Zim! The mirror likes using that line a lot. I asked why, mirror-me said "It's funny - Zim is - a funny - guy!" Yes! I am a master of comedy! Mirror-me put me in a better mood. Who better to put Zim in a good mood than Zim? 

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who leaves comments and kudos, always appreciated! God, wasn't the Invader Zim movie amazing? I had so much fun seeing all the characters again. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, and I also hope you enjoy this chapter!

**Log Entry #13. Invader Zim reporting.**

The Crystal Gems were dealing with another monster problem, one of Greg's family members died (his aunt or uncle, I forgot which) so he left to attend the funeral. Greg was about to hire a babysitter but I offered to take care of little Steven. Not because I'm a nice guy or anything, no. Of course not. The prospect of studying a human-alien hybrid was enticing! 

GIR suggested we go to Beach City Funland again. Steven was too young to ride so going was pointless. Babies can't do much of anything, it seems. GIR and I did more, like go to the arcade located in Funland. That actually was pretty fun for me. A new high score in the game Road Killer, thanks to my amazing piloting skills. Obtaining tickets playing Skee Ball was incredibly satisfying, even if I didn't know what to spend them on. There's one game which I LOATHE ENTIRELY named Pain Piggy. That cheating pig! Maybe going wasn't pointless. I did have some fun. So Beach City Funland does live up to it's namesake. Whoever owns the amusement park would undoubtedly be proud to know that it is Zim approved. There are so many places in Beach City, we couldn't go to them all in one day. Or, maybe we could? It is a small town. We should try doing that sometime! 

Before Greg came back from the funeral, GIR and I took little Steven to the beach. He appears to be a normal baby. But the thing is, I know he's not! That name, Rose Quartz. I couldn't put my finger on it before, but I knew that name sounded familiar. She's the Gem that shattered Pink Diamond! There's just so much to unpack here! I always knew there was something different about this Gem. He would be a great asset, just think of what he could become under my tutelage! What a brilliant plan! Sometimes I amaze even myself. 

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #14. Invader Zim reporting.**

Those monsters, now they've become a problem for me. They pose a danger to the mission, specifically Steven. One of them nearly ate him! And it's the Crystal Gems who allowed this to happen! It's their fault, all their fault. If they had just killed the monster, but no, instead they decided to "bubble" it. Okay, maybe it's partly GIR's fault. Mostly. But what even is "bubbling" anyway? 

When Garnet returned to the Temple with the other Gems in tow, I wanted to know what the red bubble was. She then decided to take me to a room I had never seen before, Pearl called it the Burning Room. There were many, many bubbles. And a lava pit in the center, I wish I had a lava pit. GIR shouldn't have come along, I couldn't pay attention to what Garnet had to say with him there. No, I had to put GIR under a microscope the entire time. The second I kept my eyes off of GIR, he popped a bubble. Releasing a monster! Garnet was about to poof it when Pearl and Amethyst opened the room, the beast jumped up and started tearing around at a hundred miles an hour! 

We were hunting the monster, I don't even know for how long. Pearl asked how the monster got lose, Garnet laid the blame squarely at GIR. Before I could ask "why don't you just kill the monsters instead of keeping them in bubbles" GIR pointed out that Greg and Steven were right outside. Then the monster finally reared it's ugly head. Charging at Greg, who suddenly froze. The Gems were too far away to help. I had to do something! So I picked GIR up and THREW him at the monster. GIR got us into this mess, and so he got us out of it. I threw him with so much force that the monster poofed from the impact! Steven thinks GIR is absolutely hilarious, the baby was giggling. Crisis averted, but a SIR Unit's actions are reflection of their Invader's! If GIR is nothing more than a clown to these people, what does that say about me? 

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #15. Invader Zim reporting.**

I am a genius! I already knew that, this is just more proof of my genius! The behavioral modulator successfully locked GIR into duty-mode. Meaning I have the evil henchman I so rightly deserved all along. 

The first attempt was a failure, granted. Turning the knob on the behavioral modulator up a notch did absolutely nothing. GIR ran towards his target before turning his attention to a nearby empty can of cola. I didn't have the time to build a holographic simulation so his target was a raccoon. I kept having to turn the knob up a few more notches. He never did destroy his target, instead he simply stared at the mangy animal and concluded that it wasn't a threat. Not to the mission, only to sea turtle eggs. Our mission, to analyze Crystal Gem weaknesses and prepare Earth for the coming badness! 

Yes! This is incredible! Now, with his amazing new programming, information retrieval is finally possible! We did hit a snag, though. I ordered GIR to observe the citizens of Beach City. Then the police car landed three feet away from me. I wasn't expecting that. According to GIR, the owner of Beach City Funland hired a security guard, as there were recent reports of a little green man and his flying metal child causing trouble. GIR took it upon himself to do... THAT. He's got the spirit but that is NOT information retrieval. I can't make the security guard human forget what he's seen, not without the tools to do the job! Think of how many humans must've seen GIR lifting a car! How do I explain this? Official Gem business? 

I ordered GIR to monitor Earth broadcasts until I found something better for him to do. Eventually he thought of something better, all on his own. Left the barn with some stupid looking canister strapped to his back. Now then, what to do with the security guard human? Maybe mirror-me has some ideas.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #16. Invader Zim reporting.**

I... nngh... mirror-me was right. Normal GIR is better than the serious version. I should've just listened to him, mirror-me knew something was up. But I disregarded what he said and it wasn't until Doug's scanner went on that I swore to stop GIR. The "flying metal child" attempting to drain the brains of citizens at Buddwick Public Library. Eh, the security guard human's name is Doug. 

I used his car to drive to the library, GIR had already drained his fair share of humans by the time we got there. I ordered him to stop but he wouldn't obey! Instead, he talked back and called everything about me stupid! Can you believe it, the gall? Then he tried to kill me! I still can't believe it myself. Forced to run for my dear life, from my own SIR Unit.

The experience was horrifying, it was like something out of a horror movie GIR and I would watch. That's what stung the most, this was the same GIR who always wanted to spend time with me! It hurt! I've grown a little attached to him and I didn't even realize it until then. I couldn't get through to him. Instead he slammed me into a vending machine. Got ready to fire his laser. Of course, he failed, otherwise there would be no sixteenth log entry.

Doug really came through for me when he fired that taser at GIR. I was able to grab the modulator back from GIR, turn it right down and then destroy it once he went back to normal mode. Mirror-me said that would be the best thing to do, I agree. The lesson of this story is: don't try to change others. A lesson I can get behind, after all, I wouldn't change a thing about myself! Nope, nothing at all. Doug thanked us for the adventure, he rarely sees any action as a security guard. His life must be pretty boring. Not mine though, clearly.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Everyone, I appreciate all of the hits and kudos this has been getting, but I would really appreciate more comments! It's a little discouraging when so few people leave comments, once again shoutout to Megxolotl for always doing so. And I didn't post a chapter last Friday due to movie hype, instead I decided to post two chapters in one week! This is a pretty major chapter~

**Log Entry #17. Invader Zim reporting.**

I feel like… somebody’s watching me. As I was walking home with GIR, I saw someone walk past. I turned around and there was nobody there. Not late at night, when all the citizens of Beach City were fast asleep. What does it mean? I know I saw someone out the corner of my eye, I just know it! Am I just making a big deal out of nothing? GIR said something about a cat, could it have just been a cat? It’s probably unimportant, I know, but I hate not knowing things! I HATE IT! There’s a lot that I still don’t comprehend about Earth and its inhabitants. So I have to MAKE it comprehensible. 

I recently came to the conclusion that I don’t know enough about the humans. I know Greg and his son Steven, obviously. I met Doug a few days ago. But there are about fifteen other people in Beach City and I don’t know any of them! I know that Beach City Funland has an owner who probably hates us. Donut shops, pizzerias, they must have owners. And the customers too! I plan on meeting them. GIR and I will properly retrieve information tomorrow, no draining of brains this time around. Do GIR and I need disguises? 

Probably not, the reason Invaders wear disguises is to blend in with native inhabitants. I don’t need to do that here in Beach City. Alien life forms are already commonplace, and none of the humans would know what me being an Irken means for their planet. Perfect, the unsuspecting fools have no idea what awaits them!

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #18. Invader Zim reporting.**

I had no idea. No idea what I was in for. I thought today would be a good day, that I would get work done. You know what I got instead? A new enemy, her name is Tak. And not just a new enemy, but an IRKEN one at that. She’s after my job, this planet. The barn is in ruins. MY BASE. AND MY ROBOT BEE. I JUST BUILT THAT BEE. This is… HORRIBLE. That… that HIDEOUS girl TAK. 

I was RIGHT in the previous log entry. I wish I wasn't, but that was Tak's SIR Unit watching us. I wouldn’t have even known Tak existed if not for GIR pointing her out to me. She was staring at me from a distance, when we were in Fish Stew Pizza. I would go into more detail on how that went but not right now. GIR saw her staring, he said that meant she was in love with me. That I should ask her out, even. 

I thought about what GIR said and decided that he was right. More than that, I concluded that this would prove valuable and that I could use her to learn more about human af-FECTION! Clearly I was wrong, I tried to win her affection and terrible things happened. Sure I kissed her hand, and gave her a hug. But there was also a BEEHIVE, and a DOG and FIRE. That stupid TV show, “Floopsy Bloops Shmoopsy” perpetuated false ideas in GIR’s Irken robot brain. I shouldn’t have listened to him. 

The worst was still yet to come. I returned home to the barn and told mirror-me about the miserable experience I had. He agreed I should end the “relationship” with Tak. If you can even call it that. Then I heard a knocking on the door, and TAK was standing on the other side of it. I was pretty glad to finally end things. More than just that, the chance to hear her shrill cry of having been rejected by ZIM!

I WAS ROBBED OF THAT CHANCE. SHE’S IRKEN. A MAD IRKEN. Blamed me for her horrible life and everything. She didn’t tell me what her plan was, though. Something I did years ago, I think I blew a power block? Don’t know, don’t care. I’m going to have some revenge of my own after she dismantled the barn. At least GIR is safe. The mirror too. Oh and my Voot, the Megadoomer, they were out back so nothing happened to them. Along with something special I was working on. I’m gonna… I’m gonna have to team up with the Crystal Gems again, aren’t I? Great, just great.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #19. Invader Zim reporting.**

Forty-eight hours of trailing Tak and all I could come up with were some photos. I wrestled them off a ham demon Tak created, what a horrible adventure that was! The monstrosity exploded, GIR gave me a triumphant little fanfare. It was neat. Said photos are of a GIANT, EVIL WEENIE STAND her “father” has constructed. Father, heh, Irkens don’t even have those.

I brought these pictures to the Crystal Gems, and explained the crisis. Naturally, they vowed to stop Tak from destroying the Earth. I knew they would. Those three care about this planet so much, I might as well make good use of their love for it. And Tak wants to destroy the Earth! I only want to conquer it, what she’s doing is way worse.

So this is how plan A was supposed to go. I would fly the Crystal Gems to the weenie building, drop them off, and then wait in the Voot Cruiser with GIR until the time was right. For a sneak attack! All three had to shapeshift so they could fit inside. It was a longer drive than usual, the city was pretty far away. Disgusting too. I think I saw an enormous cesspool.

Ultimately, plan A didn’t end in Tak’s defeat. They met and exchanged banter, Tak said that it would be “an honor to destroy the legendary renegade Gems” and Garnet said in response, “Wow, you must be even more delusional than Zim told us you are if you think THAT’LL ever happen.” 

Tak said something about business ventures, I don’t really care, AND THEN I APPEARED IN MY VOOT CRUISER. Ahh, but MiMi her SIR Unit attacked me, and by the end we all landed by a garbage dump as Tak made her escape. Thankfully, Amethyst was able to snatch MiMi’s memory disc. Amethyst said she only needed to spray the SIR Unit with a soda can. A little underwhelming but, it’s whatever. Doesn’t matter how we got our hands on it, we used it to figure out what her plan is. Speaking of her plan, I have to stop her from enacting it!

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #20. Invader Zim reporting.**

Plan B DID end in Tak’s defeat! Her plan was to hollow out Earth’s molten core with a magma pump she created. But the Earth is safe, because MY plan was better than HER plan. The Crystal Gems helped, yes. I dropped Garnet and Pearl off at the weenie stand so they could shut the pump off. And they did, obviously.

I drew Tak away and we had an EPIC battle. I love dogfighting, it was amazing chasing each other around in the stream of lava. What a rush that was! We kept charging toward one another, at one point my windshield was crushed. She’s actually pretty good. Not good like me, of course, but still good. 

Thanks to some interference from Amethyst and GIR, I was able to gain the upper hand. The latter’s head was connected to a rudimentary forward command center I built. If that capsule hadn’t broken during the crash, I would have an actual base along with a computer. I made the most of what I had. Took me FOREVER to build it, too. Amethyst was able to control MiMi using GIR as a remote host, infecting Tak’s SIR with my SIR’s insanity. 

Earth was returned to it’s normal shape, the battle was won. Tak was forced to flee in an escape pod like the FAILURE she is. Her plans ruined, she proceeded to mock me from the escape pod. Told me LIES about the Almighty Tallest. I HATE HER. I WISH I COULD… eh… FEED HER BRAINS TO GIR. I at least respect the Crystal Gems, for being worthy adversaries and all that. NOT HER. Well, all that matters is that Tak’s snack plan was stopped.

When reporting to the Tallest from my new command center, I told them that I hypnotized the Crystal Gems to help me! That sounds more evil, right? Tallest Purple only seemed to care that he didn’t get a planet filled with snacks. Why didn’t I come up with that plan? I have to come up with one even better to please him and Tallest Red! This is a nice command center, I just hope that nothing else ever happens to the barn. That would be… not good.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all for the comments and kudos! Last chapter was really fun to write so I'm glad you enjoyed reading it. This chapter has less intensity but it does have the first artwork in a while! It's actually the first piece of art that Sea made for the project. She's doing a lot better now than she was this time last week and you can expect more art on the way of previous chapters. Hope you enjoy this one!

**Log Entry #21. Invader Zim reporting.**

Even after defeating Tak, she still poses a threat to my mission! Or at least her ship does. It’s a very nice ship. Originally a Spittle Runner, highly customized. She had to eject herself out of it following my dogfight. So what’s the problem? How could this failing ship pose a threat to Zim? It crashed around the outskirts of Beach City, that’s how. 

The Crystal Gems saw the Spittle Runner crashing and so they entered the woods looking for it. GIR was with them. I don’t like him being alone with the Gems. Just think of what he might blurt out when I’m not there. Secrets, secrets that are mine alone to know. I can’t allow the Crystal Gems to begin repairs on that ship. These secrets are the reason!

Commandeering the Spittle Runner would give them access to it’s computer. With this computer, they have access to Irken information. They could even discover that I am the best, most amazing Invader! This is bad, I have to get rid of that blasted ship! But how? Pearl would kill me, I know she would. I need a good excuse, but what? Oh, I have an idea, what if Tak’s downloaded personality were reactivated?

Aside from the computer, the Spittle Runner also possesses tentacles and two pointed arm-like appendages that allow it to walk rather than fly, making it a very dangerous ship. One that would need to be destroyed. By me! Why am I so amazing? Steven will learn so much from me when he grows up! Truly one of the best things to come out of this mission to Earth. Along with the mirror. Which, of course, is me. Another part of me. I know Invaders need no one but I am no ordinary Invader. I do things a special kind of way, that’s what the Tallest love about me!

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #22. Invader Zim reporting.**

I haven’t gotten around to that whole ‘sabotaging the Spittle Runner’ thing. Something more important came up. Earlier today, I noticed that the Tallest were closer to the Earth than EVER before! And I love Red and Purple, in fact, I have since I first met them at the academy. I wanted to be the sole Almighty Tallest, at one time. But Red and Purple were better suited for the job. Besides, my empire needs me as an Invader.

I have no plans for Earth conquest at this time, therefore I didn’t feel comfortable inviting the Tallest. Not yet. It’s much too soon. If I were to invite the Tallest, there would be a plate of sandwiches left for them. Instead, I was about to tell them all about my GREATEST plan ever. The next step after Operation Impending Doom 2. I call it: Operation Universe! Allow me to elaborate. Rose Quartz, the leader of the Crystal Gems, shattered Pink Diamond. If her son were on our side, we could win a war against the other remaining Diamonds!

The Irken Empire is well on it’s way to achieving galactic conquest. And yet, there’s always the possibility of conquering EVEN MORE than one galaxy. Unfortunately, an enemy vessel attacked the Massive, and so the transmission was cut. Leaving me to stare at nothing for an hour. Hold on, enemy vessel? Who would dare go up against the Tallest? It can’t be the Homeworld Gems, they’re too far away. Hopefully it isn’t the Chimera Sui Generis, I’ve heard horrifying stories about him. Horrifying even for Zim. I’ll give them a call later, and ask what that was all about.

New idea! What if I show the mirror to my Tallest? They’d love mirror-me! Still, probably not as much as I do. That would make up for Probing Day when I had nothing to present. It was embarrassing but I took my pummeling with pride. Anyway, GIR appreciates having the other me around. I sometimes hear him recapping the events of cartoons and graphic novels. Mirror-me enjoys listening more than I do. Good on him!

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #23. Invader Zim reporting.**

MIRROR-ME SPOKE AGAINST THE TALLEST. I DON’T KNOW WHY. AFTER ALL, HE’S JUST ANOTHER PART OF ME! AND I LOVE THE TALLEST!

I called asking who DARED attack the Massive, apparently it was a resistance group. Tallest Red mentioned their leader was a Vortian. Yeah, that figures. I wouldn’t be surprised if MOST of the Resisty was made up of conquered races. Resisty, what a stupid name. They were able to evacuate at the last second, promising to return again before their ship blew up.

These rebels are only prolonging the inevitable, both the Resisty and the Crystal Gems. I was about to go off on a tangent but then GIR reminded me to tell them about the mirror. The mirror which has FAILED me. By exclaiming “NO - THE TALLEST - ARE TERRIBLE!” EXCUSE ME, WHAT? WHY WOULD MIRROR-ME SAY THAT? I HAD TO EXPLAIN TO THE TALLEST THAT I WOULD NEVER!

I begged for forgiveness. The Tallest were so hurt, and I did anything they asked of me. To prove my loyalty! My squeedlyspooch burst (immersing yourself in a vat of boiling special tuna sauce will do that to you) but I was able to win back their favor by finishing many grueling tasks. After the call ended, mirror-me asked “how could - you - humiliate - yourself - like that?” Any other Invader would do the same thing. 

Mirror-me honestly thought Tak was telling the truth and that the Tallest have been lying to me. Well of course they aren’t lying to me! They assigned me the most important mission of all! I appreciate his concern, but mirror-me is gravely mistaken. At one point, he even suggested I claim Earth for myself. “Emperor Zim” will NEVER HAPPEN. As cool as that sounds, what if “Emperor Zim” was actually a big jerk? Ultimately, mirror-me and I agreed to pretend nothing happened. He has to accept that I like things just the way they are. Me as an Invader, nothing has to change! 

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #24. Invader Zim reporting.**

GIR made waffles this morning. At first I refused to eat them but he began screaming uncontrollably. I gave in to him and much to my surprise, they didn’t make me sick at all. I thought for sure they would. Eating them was a good way to build a tolerance for Earth food! Now if only I could do the same thing for rain. There is my paste theory, which I definitely plan on testing.

Ah yes, planning. I planned on doing something pretty important later today, but I haven’t been able to remember what since breakfast. Oh! The Spittle Runner, that’s it! The repairs could be halfway done by now, I seriously need to get a move on! 

Blast it, I know I said the waffles were edible but I feel sick! GIR fed me too many waffles, I told him when I started to feel sick. But he wouldn't listen to me, and so I need him to FETCH ME THE BUCKET. Again. The nausea has been on and off, you see. 

I’m back from throwing up a third time. Not as bad as the other two times. GIR now wants me to eat breakfast with him every day, but he must understand that I cannot eat like him and Amethyst do. No one eats like they do. It’s pretty disgusting. I'm going to be leaving things here for right now, before I need to throw up a fourth time.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Steven Universe movie was incredible! I loved the animation, characterization, orchestration, it was all phenomenal and the Crewniverse really outdid themselves. Side note, I decided to actually start replying to comments. Thanks again for reading and enjoying the story!

**Log Entry #25. Invader Zim reporting.**

This is so STUPID. And UNFAIR. I deserve better than to be dragged back to Foodcourtia, I even told my Frylord about my secret mission to Earth. If only he called the Tallest, they could’ve sorted everything out! I can’t even give them a call, my transmissions will be blocked. Curse that Sizz-Lorr!

I was sentenced to work at his restaurant, Shloogorgh's Flavor Monster, for the rest of my life. The worst part about it? Sizz-Lorr enjoyed giving me all the life-threatening jobs to do. He’s older than Tak and I, with a military background. And very large. In retrospect, it’s remarkable that I was able to escape at all. My disappearance left him shorthanded, the Foodening began on the same day as Operation Impending Doom 2. If the Great Assigning were just a day later, I never would’ve gotten a second chance. It’s scary to think about.

20 years. How was I gone for 20 years? I never did fully understand how the time warp things work. No time to think about that! GIR is my only hope, I have concerns. The little robot is wildly inconsistent, sometimes he pulls through and other times he... doesn’t. It’s terrible when he doesn’t. If he does alert the Tallest, then I’ll eat 1,000 of his waffles as a special favor to him. Until Red and Purple do arrive to rescue me (I so hope they aren’t busy at the moment) it’ll be torture like the last time.

If the Tallest are busy, they need to arrive in a week’s time. The Foodening begins anew and I could potentially be trapped for 20 years like Sizz-Lorr was! Trying to escape is useless, what with that perimeter scanner programmed to recognize my bio signature, and Sizz-Lorr keeping a close eye on me. I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I’ve been hiding in the back of the restaurant, this is the first time I’ve had to myself since being kidnapped. Now I hear Sizz-Lorr asking where I am, so it’s time to go back to that counter I hate so much.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #26. Invader Zim reporting.**

How many waffles? Not 1,000. 80? 50? 40, that’s still a lot of waffles. Pearl showed up on Foodcourtia and not the Tallest. Turns out I didn’t need to be saved, I was able to save myself from that disgusting planet. All I needed was my wit and ingenuity! 

Everything that happened the last time on Foodcourtia, happened again. But somehow even worse. Not just the old, Sizz-Lorr had some horrible new ideas. He forced me to dance in a suit filled with white-hot grease to entertain his REVOLTING customers. One day, they’ll know the true meaning of vengeance. All of them except for one customer, a blob who always took hours ordering. At first I hated him like the rest, but his THICKNESS proved useful. The scanner couldn’t read my bio signature inside his stomach. Gross yet effective.

Sizz-Lorr realized what happened right as I made it out the door and a long chase ensued. There was more at stake in this battle than even my ones with the Crystal Gems. An absolute beast, I have to wonder why he isn’t a commander. He’s certainly big enough to be one. Was he forced into service as well? Is there a story behind that scar of his? I’ll probably never know the answers to any of my Sizz-Lorr questions.

My legs were about to give out on me when I saw Pearl in a hangar, standing right next to Tak’s ship. I just couldn’t believe it, she and the other Gems were able to finish repairing it during the week I was gone. Did the Tallest not pick up GIR’s call so he asked Pearl for help instead? I know that I should be absolutely livid to see Pearl using Irken equipment and sitting in Tak’s ship. But in that moment, I was happy to see a familiar face. Trust me, I’m not growing soft or anything. Working for Sizz-Lorr is so bad that anything seems better by comparison. That’s all.

Wow, Pearl sure is overwhelmed by the sights and sounds of Foodcourtia. Makes sense, Foodcourtia is an Irken planet and those weren’t a thing in her day. I think she just asked me a question about that. I’m going to put away the datapad. Lucky for her, I like to talk too.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #27. Invader Zim reporting.**

THE IRKEN EMPIRE. AHHHHH THIS IS SO EXCITING. PEARL AND I WERE ON OUR WAY BACK TO EARTH, AND WE PASSED BY AN IRKEN LIGHT CRUISER. I’M NOW ON AN IRKEN PLANET THAT ISN’T TERRIBLE LIKE FOODCOURTIA. A SURPRISE PARTY FOR ZIM!

I don’t know why those Irken soldiers beat me up before taking me to this place. Hmmm, I do remember seeing something very similar happen on one of GIR’s favorite shows, I think they were called birthday punches? Or maybe they beat me up because the Tallest let them in on the secret, that I was assigned the most important mission. My cover hasn’t been blown and Pearl still has no idea. Excellent!

The Tallest honor me deep in the most wobbly, gelatinous parts of my squeedlyspooch! They arranged for the Control Brains to play a neat little clip show. My incredible life. Past, present, but regrettably not future. I asked the Control Brains if I could write all of this down, so it hasn’t begun yet. My fellow Irkens are all smiling, so are my Tallest. They must be really happy to see me again. 

Smiling… sinisterly? Nah! My eyes are probably playing tricks on me. If these ocular implants are faulty, I must alert the Tallest. The best Invader should have the best surgically installed ocular implants! Those two care about me so much and I don’t want to keep them waiting. Time for the party to get started!

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #28. Invader Zim reporting.**

THIS ISN’T A PARTY. IT’S AN EXISTENCE EVALUATION. I don’t understand, those are for criminals! And space clowns. I’m neither of those things! Clowns seriously creep me out. And I really should’ve trusted my gut feelings, the “party” was dead like death.

I could wind up dead! Even worse, never remembered. That’s HORRIBLE. I can’t even BARE the thought of being ERASED like I was NOTHING. I AM NOT NOTHING, I AM ZIM. AND I HATE BEING LABELED AS DEFECTIVE, I HAVE FOR AS LONG AS I CAN REMEMBER. Memories. Those long forgotten memories, all made known as cables locked onto my I.D. PAK. 

There was Horrible Painful Overload Day, and the sequel. Irkens may be able to see well in the dark, better than humans, but that doesn’t mean everyone on Irk would APPRECIATE being plunged into darkness for nine years.

Skoodge, I had forgotten about him. He was my lackey back in the day. Considering how boring our academy training was, it’s no wonder I wanted to escape to the surface with him. Tenn, I remember her as well. She was less impressionable than Skoodge was, much more cautious. Red and Purple chose not to join us. Or have anything to do with me.

Have I disappointed them? I know I’ve made a lot of mistakes, some bigger than others. Such as when my energy absorbing thingy ate Almighty Miyuki. I really wish they hadn’t seen that. And now we’re all in the court cafeteria. Everyone else is eating while I write this entry. Formality? I just now overheard two Irkens talking about the Evaluation. There’s no way that can be right. WAIT. WHY DID THE TALLEST CALL IT A FORMALITY? OH THIS IS BAD. REALLY, REALLY BAD. THE EVALUATION IS RESUMING AND I WANT TO BE BACK ON EARTH ALREADY.

…

INVADER ZIM, SIGNING OFF.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you all so much for the comments, kudos and bookmarks! I've worked hard on writing all the chapters up to this point, but this one in particular is so game changing that I worked even harder than ever before! I don't want to keep you waiting any longer, so on with the show!

**Log Entry #29. Invader Zim reporting.**

I’m back on Earth. With Pearl. I survived my Existence Evaluation and was even declared the “Most Incredible Irken Ever” by the Control Brains. That’s very nice, but something feels off somehow. My glorious acts of obedience were shown, but the death of Tallest Spork was ALSO shown. I still can’t believe that the Brains used TWO BLOB FLASHBACKS IN A ROW. THERE SHOULD BE A RULE AGAINST THAT.

I was an Invader trainee when Spork got eaten by my blob. And a military researcher when Miyuki was. She was a top-level scientist before being declared Tallest, he on the other hand was one of the elite soldiers. Their priorities differed. Then there was the failure of Operation Impending Doom. Yeah. Red called me a monster, and a curse to the Empire.

This greatly confused me, did he forget the Great Assigning? Seeing how deserving I was, assigning me to Earth, how could he have forgotten? I was going to use my inflatable version of Tallest Spork to escape from him and Purple, but suddenly I had another idea. 

The Control Brains granted my request to show images from my present, and not just my past. This required the massive Irken crowd to leave. After all, my mission is a secret one. I wanted the Tallest to see what important work I was doing on Earth! The most important work!

What came next was unexpected. “YOU became FRIENDS with these Crystal Gems?!” the Brains asked incredulously. “NO! YOU MUST BE MISTAKEN! They’re my greatest enemies and only occasionally my allies!” I was absolutely mortified. Red and Purple screwed their faces in disgust. Sparks shot out of the Brains and gibberish was issued from their speakers as my PAK’s data flowed into them. Then they declared me “MOST INCREDIBLE IRKEN EVER” and that felt good! Only for a little while. 

“NO!! YOU CAN’T DO THAT! He's DEFECTIVE! You ALREADY ruled!” Purple was MAD. Before the Control Brains could respond, two guards appeared and alerted Red of a terrifying renegade Pearl. She caused a ruckus being moved from the Irken prison facility on Judgementia to Moo-Ping 10. That was my cue to leave. “LEAVING WITH YOUR FRIEND, ZIM?” The Brains asked as I ran out of there.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #30. Invader Zim reporting.**

Friends? The very idea of me being friends with Pearl, or any Gem for that matter, is ridiculous! Friendship isn’t worth an Invader’s time. Invaders need no one. NO ONE. That being said, I do have concerns. And I’ve recently learned that it’s best to trust my gut feeling.

My SIR Unit and the hybrid, I fear their influence has made me softer and less aggressive. That I actually care about them. Am I not the same cold-blooded Irken who arrived on Earth? How long has it been since then, anyway? Nearly a year? And I haven’t gotten one step closer to victory.

The Control Brains may have declared me “THE MOST INCREDIBLE IRKEN EVER” but they were buzzing and insane. Was that all it was? Insane ramblings? Even so, the Tallest still assigned me the most important mission of this entire operation! This is how I regain their trust and confidence. Their confidence must have been shaken after the Existence Evaluation, which means I need to do the best job possible. That would make them forgive my past mistakes.

Why else would they send me to this planet if not to prove myself? Let’s say that the Tallest really did want to get rid of me, like Tak said. Why would they send me HERE and not some derelict rock nobody ever cared about? One of the most major conflicts in the history of our universe was based on here. The Crystal Gems still care about this planet a great deal! They believe in the value and sanctity of life, being your own person and taking on your own unique identity, all of that! Yeah!

Hmm. I should probably get around to undermining Earth’s defenses. Make it ripe for invasion or something. 

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #31. Invader Zim reporting.**

Mirror-Zim missed me when I was gone. That isn’t terribly surprising, I missed him too. Isn’t that such a strange thing to say? Mirror-Zim is just another part of me, but not at the same time. Almost like a part of myself that I never knew existed.

Well, there is something else. Something which did surprise me to hear. I was telling Mirror-Zim about my experiences when GIR piped up. “Master! You were in trouble and I was supposed to call the Tallest for you, but THE MASTER IN THE MIRROR, HE WAS RIGHT.” Right about what? This confused me. “The Tallest. They DIDN’T CARE AT ALL.” Didn’t care? Like, at all? “We worry about you so much! And so do those magical ladies, I don’t know why you in the mirror hates them so much. Not like how you SAY that you hate them, but you really DON’T hate them, other master REALLY HATES THEM and I dunno why.”

I didn’t know how to feel at first, but now I do know and it’s RAGE. WHY DO IRKEN ROBOT BRAINS KEEP INSISTING THAT I LIKE THE CRYSTAL GEMS? I REALLY DON’T, THEY’RE ENEMIES AND THAT’S ALL THEY’LL EVER BE TO ME. I can’t stress this enough. It isn’t just that, either. Mirror-Zim still has no faith in the Tallest, when I need him to reassure me the most. Not do the opposite and leave me unassured.

I hate this feeling, I really do. You know what the worst part is? That according to GIR, Mirror-Zim is a better Zim than THE ACTUAL ZIM. He loathes the Crystal Gems and there’s no doubting that. Now I’m unsure myself, have I begun to enjoy this comfortable life on Earth too much? These ties make me weak. Not cold and ruthless, like an Invader needs to be! Without that evilness inherent in Irkens, I would feel so useless and pathetic. I need to do something drastic, in order to be free of emotional burdens. That something INVOLVES MY PAK. YES, I'LL START WORKING RIGHT AWAY.

…

Invader Zim, signing off.

**LOG ENTRY #32. INVADER ZIM REPORTING.**

AAAAAAAGH!!! MY PAK!! IT'S GONE!! The countdown has already started, ten minutes to doom. Everything that I am is in that PAK! My memory drive, my charging cell, my atmospheric processor! MY ZIMNESS! I am NOT going to expire on this planet. There’s absolutely no chance in HELL of that happening. 

Altering my PAK didn’t seem like a really bad idea at the time. Yes, I know that Commander Poki told me as a rookie to never, under any circumstances, remove my PAK. That the auxiliary brain is more important than the organic. But I’ve ignored my basic training before! I’ve even removed my PAK before, just never attempted modifying it. And do you know why I thought of doing such a thing? To eliminate all compassion!!! Only new modifications could do that!!!

I never expected my PAK to go haywire. What went wrong? A PAK shouldn’t be able to act outside the will of it’s host, that doesn't make any sense! If a PAK is separated from it’s host, it’s supposed to attempt reconnecting with the original owner. Instead it rejected me, and has probably already begun to seek out another host. That’s insulting. Am I not good enough for the PAK anymore, is that it? Well at least I’m good enough for SOMEONE on this planet. Feels pretty… wait… no...

Shut up, shut up!!! I’m not supposed to care about anyone!!! Not GIR… Steven and the Crystal Gems… I’m not even supposed to care what happens to me... or myself in the mirror. Life on Earth… I’m supposed to hate it…! And yet for some reason… it isn’t so awful… I actually sort of like it.

I’m so weak. My body shell… it’s begun deteriorating! Must reconnect with… GIR… GIR is… taking too long to find my PAK. And now I feel so alone… please… my… my Tallest. I need to contact the Tallest. That’s what I’ll do.

If this is indeed the last log… know that these have been meant for future generations who wish to learn from… no… no they’re not. This is for you… Steven.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The previous chapter sure was intense! Thank you to everyone commenting, bookmarking the story, and leaving kudos. This chapter is another one of my favorites, I love writing all the chapters of this story and I especially love to write sympathetic Zim. This arc has been worked on for a while, as always let me know what you think!

**Log Entry #33.**

Scratch what I said about the previous entry being my last and final one! Of course it wasn't! Apparently my PAK rampaged inside the Crystal Temple, that must've been confusing for the Crystal Gems before GIR told them what had happened. The four rushed to my aid, of course they did.

They're so good. As an Invader I'm expected to be nothing like them. But I'm not an Invader. I haven't been for some time, the Tallest told me this themselves. I still remember lying on the cold hard floor, trying my best to explain the situation to them as I rapidly deteriorated in front of them.

I explained to the Tallest that I removed my PAK for them, so that I could be everything they ever wanted me to be. By modifying my PAK. I had bent the rules before, and I was positive Red and Purple would understand. Instead they laughed, viciously. And began to reveal such horrible truths to me.

That they always found me annoying, tried to get rid of me and hoped that I would die, were disappointed to discover that I was alive on Earth. In fact, I remember Purple saying "it took longer than we expected, but the chance to watch you die really is the best thing you've ever given us!" Well, I'm still alive, so it seems I couldn't even get that right.

JUST WHAT THE HELL DO I DO NOW??? INVADERS never stop until their mission is complete, however, I was never assigned a REAL MISSION to begin with!!! So Tak was actually telling the truth. Which means I owe Mirror-Zim an apology. I think even GIR caught on quicker than I did. And he was constructed from SCRAP PARTS. THAT'S RIGHT, I WAS SENT A JOKE ASSISTANT. I WAS ONLY EVER A MONSTEROUS JOKE, ONE THAT LONG OVERSTAYED IT'S WELCOME.

Why couldn't I have just died? At least that would make the hurting end. I have an idea, why don't I try to forget the whole thing never happened? I know the idea sounds far-fetched, but it wouldn’t hurt to try. Right? This could work. 

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #34.**

THAT DIDN’T WORK AT ALL. I created a preferable reality to live in, but it faded after a few days. Back to actual reality, the terrible version. Also, suppressed anger recently came to the surface and I don’t know who or what to direct it towards.

The Tallest? Why didn’t they kill me right from the start? Why the “secret mission” nonsense? I’m sure the crowd from the Great Assigning would’ve cheered. Skoodge and Tenn were probably the only two people in the entire auditorium who wouldn’t have. 

The Crystal Gems? I had this thought recently: I’ve done more damage to the Irken Empire than the Resisty could ever hope to do. I pose as much of a threat to the Irken Empire as the Crystal Gems did to their Homeworld. And that’s as a loyal soldier, not a rebel like them. Isn’t that funny?

No. That’s HORRIBLE. I NEED TO HOLD ON TO THIS ANGER. DIRECT IT TOWARDS THE CRYSTAL GEMS. LIKE PEARL AND THE… THE THINGS SHE DO. OH THAT’S JUST STUPID. NOW I’M REALLY MAD!!! I CAN FEEL MY POWER RISING. THIS IS INCREDIBLE. AND… I’VE GOT SOMETHING TO PROVE TO MYSELF. THAT I CAN WIN AGAINST THE GEMS. ONE MORE MATCH! ONE MORE MATCH!!!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #35.**

What was the title Mirror-Zim once suggested I claim? Emperor Zim? Yes! Emperor Zim! As Emperor Zim, I’ll make sure Steven and his father Greg get special treatment and won’t have to live in that crummy van anymore.

I’ll use the MEGADOOMER to annihilate the Crystal Gems. I’ve been wanting to pilot the walker since it first fell from the sky months ago. This is something I have to do, for the sake of my pride. And then, like I said, this world will be ruled with an iron fist. EVERYONE WILL BE FORCED TO OBEY THE FIST. 

I’ll ask GIR to build me a throne. Humans will cower in fear before my superior Irken might, cool flames shooting up behind me. I DON’T NEED THE TALLEST TO BE AMAZING, FORGET THEM. YOU KNOW WHAT??? I NEVER NEEDED ANYONE!!! I CERTAINLY DON’T NEED THESE VOICES IN MY HEAD WHICH HAVE BEEN WHISPERING AND LAUGHING FOR QUITE A WHILE NOW.

I can’t wait for the voices to stop that. And for the nightmares to finally be over. Now then, onward to victory! SWEET VICTORY FOR ZIM!!!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #36.**

Well, I did it. I won against the Crystal Gems. It was a hard-fought battle, even using the Megadoomer I found myself struggling at times. Of course, I hit a few snags. First, I realized there were no batteries when I attempted switching the machine on. Then, I plugged the Megadoomer into an outlet to get it to work. It lost power. Twice. I asked GIR to find me new outlets. This was going to be perfect, and those were minor, fleeting inconveniences. 

“PREPARE YOURSELVES FOR THE END, CRYSTAL GEMS!” I cried. “I’ve put up with you long enough! Now, fight an enemy you cannot see!” I laughed evilly, choked, and laughed some more. Then Pearl remarked, “You’re right there, Zim.” What? I tilted my head to the side and scooted over. “There!” Amethyst pointed at me. “Your cloaking device only cloaks the robot, but we can see you!”

“Silence! Now, behold the doom canon!” I yelled. The Crystal Gems were unimpressed, Garnet shrugged and said. “We can’t. Like Amethyst said, it’s invisible and we can only see you.” There were a few moments of silence as I tried to process the information. Then I remembered GIR trying to tell me about the Megadoomer’s flaws. At the time I simply ignored him and continued to pilot my robot. Onward to victory. I was not about to be ROBBED OF THAT VICTORY. 

THE CRYSTAL GEMS WERE ABOUT TO MEET THEIR HORRIBLE DOOM, EVEN IF IT DOOMED ME AS WELL. Forget the invisibility, a combat stealth mech still had OTHER functions. SO MANY WEAPONS, I WOULD JUST USE THEM ALL. I didn’t have my head on straight at the time. In the middle of all this, my walker’s missiles ended up destroying both my ship and Pearl’s. This time, they were damaged beyond repair.

And Pearl lost it. She and the other Crystal Gems were on the defensive, losing the battle. Then, seeing her ticket to the stars destroyed, she had what I can only describe as a rage boost. I essentially brought her down to my level and I think she wanted to kill me. At least in that moment. The rest of my memories feel hazy to me. Her attempting to break through the cockpit door, it scared me. The fear consumed me. My emotions, they overwhelmed me. This next part… I don’t want to talk about this next part. It pains me to have to talk about this.

I cried. That’s why Pearl couldn’t bring herself to kill me, because I burst into tears and poured my heart out to her. Even seeing that I had a heart, I think was enough. Was she still upset with me? Undoubtedly, but regardless she saved me from certain death before the Megadoomer exploded, with me inside it. The earlier “POWER DRAW CRITICAL” alert slipped my mind. Very slippery mind indeed, the blasted robot’s power was growing constantly and Pearl helped me out of the cockpit. At the expense of being poofed. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I miss her presence. The guilt is strong, my anger has dissipated. I caught the other two Gems up to speed on everything, both are currently outside of the barn talking between themselves. I feel small. Smaller than ever, and I didn’t know that was even possible.

...

Invader Zim, signing off.

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> God, I know I say this a lot but it really does mean a lot to me that people read this story. Thanks so much for leaving your comments and kudos, I even saw fans of the story discussing how they think the story will go in the previous chapter. Seriously, why are you guys so amazing??? I'm thrilled that you enjoy Zim's redemption arc and this chapter is the culmination of that arc!!!

**Log Entry #37.**

Two weeks. Two weeks between log entries. Since the previous one, Garnet has explained to me that the monsters they fight actually used to be Gems themselves. Gems that became corrupted and broken. I didn’t ask Garnet how this happened, I suspect it has something to do with the Gem Rebellion. I did, however, ask how long it would take for Pearl to reappear, as she assured me that this has happened in the past. Pearl will reappear as soon as she gathers enough energy to heal. 

I still can’t believe I feel this miserable. I’m just now realizing that the Tallest were my real enemy all along. Unlike the Crystal Gems, I don't hate my former leaders. That’s because I don’t have strong emotional ties to memories of Irk. I did a lot of hopping around from place to place, as a result I have more fond memories of space travel than I do of my own planet. Shouldn’t it be hard not to have some feelings for where you came from?

Now that both Irken ships have been destroyed, Earth is home. Seemingly forever. When did I start liking this place? Was it when GIR and I began to watch those inane TV programs? Perhaps when I found the mirror, and someone I could tell absolutely everything. Maybe even earlier than that. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl. Even early on, I respected Garnet for her leadership skills, that along with her impressive height. She’s been very forgiving this entire time. Strong, yet compassionate. If she wasn’t so compassionate, I would almost certainly be dead by this point. Eh, hooray for compassion and understanding! 

Amethyst has reached out her hand to me the most. I remember when she stayed with me for the Galactic Equinox several months ago. Any life form in a galaxy far from home goes through a hideous molt during the alignment once a year. Any organic life-form, that is. I developed an itchy rash on my neck and felt repulsive! Yet Amethyst helped me feel slightly less repulsive. Then she began inviting me to these wrestling matches of hers. The Purple Puma is TOTALLY SICK. Amethyst sometimes uses the phrase, apparently bad can also mean good.

And as for Pearl? I don’t know what happened, at first I loathed her presence. Flash forward a year and her missing presence… it depresses me. Well, she is the one always saving me from danger, and we can also bond over our love of space travel. I realize the two of us have a fair bit in common. We’re both perfectionist neat freaks who love to talk. WHY WON’T YOU JUST REGENERATE ALREADY, PEARL? I WANNA TELL YOU WHERE I’M AT EMOTIONALLY.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #38.**

PEARL’S BACK. I TOLD HER WHERE I’M AT EMOTIONALLY. And we had something of a heart to heart. There was a lot I needed to get off my chest. I didn’t want to sound like I was complaining or trying to play the victim. Pearl assured me that I had nothing to fear, venting in a positive and healthy manner is wonderful. Ranting and raving isn’t healthy, though. I can express my feelings by talking in a calm and rational manner. OH BY THE WAY, HER NEW OUTFIT IS INCREDIBLE.

I cared for her gemstone the entire time she was gathering energy. And the regeneration was a spectacle to behold! Pearl’s gemstone glowed, flew up, and hovered in the air as I stood atop the hill next to her cherry blossom tree. It’s a particularly fine specimen of a tree, and I can see why it’s her favorite. Does Pearl have a lot on her mind whenever she’s here? Maybe one day she’ll tell me more about her own failed purpose, whatever that is.

The Crystal Gems have their secrets, and I respect that, but I want to prove that I have no secrets to hide! Not anymore! Wait, maybe I should keep the whole thing with the mirror a secret. Mirror-Zim isn’t very fond of the Crystal Gems for whatever reason, sort of a reflection of how I once was. I’ll cross that bridge when I come to it. Or maybe I won’t. I dunno. Pearl has been reunited with Garnet and Amethyst! I would like to give all three a history lesson after their happy moment. Like I said, there are secrets that are no longer mine alone to know. 

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #39.**

The creation of the Irken Empire connects back to the Great Diamond Authority. They were furious over the death of one of their own and deemed Earth no longer fit to be a colony. Homeworld commanders then ordered their troops to begin a mass retreat before the last-ditch attempt. One final all-out attack marked the end of the Rebellion.

Pearl and Garnet were surprised by how much I knew. The former stated that their leader, Rose Quartz, was able to protect them both with her shield. They were her closest friends. Other Crystal Gems weren’t so lucky. The Diamonds were unaware of the attack’s effects, as they intended on wiping the opposition all out. You could make the argument that corruption is a fate worse than death. 

Shortly after the fighting ended, attempts were made by the remaining members of the Diamond Authority to colonize other planets across the universe. Suitable ones, which were exploited through their advanced facilities. One of those planets was my own! That’s right! Irk, capital of the Irken Empire, was invaded by superior beings thousands of years ago! Ironic, isn’t it? The Gems that invaded Earth were surprised when they found intelligent life. This was during caveman days. Can you imagine their reaction to discovering a race as advanced as modern day humans? 

Irkens at that time engaged in horrific campaigns of attacks, raiding and psychological warfare against their rival units. There was no end in sight to the Irken Civil War, not until Gems began to colonize. And they initially appealed to us! At least until they began pushing. They just kept pushing, so we felt justified waging war and breaking away from them. We had assistance from our neighbors in the planetary system, and this forced invading Gems out of the planet. 3,900 years later and we’ve picked up on their culture. Everything from the obsession with height culminating in the Tallest rank’s inception, to the development of PAKs and Control Brains.

A lot has changed since those days. There are now thousands of different intelligent life forms! The Diamond Authority is a great many things, not a lot of them good, but genocidal isn’t one of them. Those big losses convinced the Diamonds to conquer planets with only plants and animals and all that. Keeping to themselves, as the Irken Empire similarly conquers primitive planets. In recent years, intergalactic warlords and conquerors (the Chimera Sui Generis comes to mind) have begun to establish themselves. The universe is a very big and scary place. 

The Crystal Gems were visibly unnerved by this information and I can understand why. Knowing that their Gem Homeworld had such a big effect on my organic species? Yeah, it’s a lot to take in! I’ve assured them that efforts are being made to put the past behind me. EARTH IS A PLACE WHERE I FEEL AT HOME. RED AND PURPLE WERE TOO BLIND TO SEE MY WORTH AND I LIKE THAT THE CRYSTAL GEMS CAN ACTUALLY SEE IT. DESPITE EVERYTHING. Alright Control Brains, you were right. I wasn’t very talkative in the two weeks I spent waiting for Pearl to get back, GIR and Mirror-Zim must be wondering what’s up with me! Oh my faithful companions.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #40.**

GIR and I were talking and he asked if his master became a Crystal Gem too. I initially laughed at this. “No I’m not joining the Crystal Gems! I don’t even have a gemstone! And my body is organic. Mostly organic unless you count the PAK. Don’t be silly, GIR.” Then I started thinking to myself. Wouldn’t it be nice if I was accepted as one of them? I would love that, actually.

The Crystal Gems have a mission to protect humanity and contain Corrupted Gems. Well it’s in my nature as an Irken to undertake a mission. I don’t know what drives us to do so, but we also need someone to take up an idol-like role. GIR, Mirror-Zim, Steven and the Crystal Gems. I think they can fulfill that role, and I don’t have to go to ridiculous lengths just for any kind of attention or praise. They still care about me, even after everything. I’m not alone on this planet. I choose it as my home.

THIS IS GONNA SOUND CRAZY. BUT. GARNET, AMETHYST, AND PEARL WALKED INSIDE THE BARN RIGHT AS I WAS ABOUT TO ASK IF I COULD BECOME LIKE THEM. Garnet told me that this was an outcome she saw with her third eye, albeit an unlikely and even somewhat ridiculous one. I finally know what the freaky third eye is for! It’s a good thing she held out hope and didn’t entirely overlook the possibility. Pearl said that if I want to become a Crystal Gem, I have to start training. And Amethyst said she’s happy I’m not out to get them anymore, she has a cool new nickname for me, Zim Zam the SpaceMan.

I’ll get used to my new nickname eventually. GIR is ecstatic, and has pointed out that I need a star. What if I buy a gold star lapel pin? Yeah, that can work. Maybe someday I’ll wear something other than the Invader uniform, but that’s too much change, too fast. Speaking of which, I told Mirror-Zim about all this, and there was a brief, incredulous silence. “If this - makes - you happy - then so am - I - but tell - me - if they - betray your trust - and - I will - make them suffer.” Well that’s… ominous. I appreciate the gesture? Oh, one last thing. Red and Purple may be pretty tall, but they’ll never feel as big as I do today.

…

Zim, signing off!

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All artwork is done by a friend!  
> Friend's Ao3 account: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldSeaBug/pseuds/EmeraldSeaBug  
> And here's my friend's art blog on Tumblr full of water and honey: https://seabeescribbles.tumblr.com/


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven Universe Future... I am so excited!!! And the Archive was down for maintenance earlier today but now I'm ready! Zim as a Crystal Gem is something that a lot of you have been waiting for, and I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I honestly enjoy writing all chapters. Please leave a comment and kudos if you haven't already, it's been a busy week and I'll reply to all the comments you guys left last time!

**Log Entry #41.**

The training has begun. Pearl took me to a Sky Arena and we proceeded to spar there. I relished the chance to engage in combat with her once again! A simple spar and not a battle to the death, but I still gave her all that I’ve got! Pearl ultimately won the duel. The mechanical spider legs were used during our first battle and she seemed to be a lot better prepared for them. This time she was able to block and dodge my attacks effortlessly. After the match was over, I was congratulated for being a good sparring partner. My confidence swelled.

Then Pearl summoned what she referred to as Holo-Pearl, a holographic representation of Pearl as the name implies. She initiated training mode and the hologram continuously chanted “Parry! Parry! Thrust!” I paid close attention to her center of gravity, oh and everything begins with the stance! I don’t use a sword like she does so I continue to use my versatile PAK. The spider legs alone serve as a mode of transportation, laser cutters, a shield generator and sharp weapons. I would have to say the laser guns are what gave her the most trouble during our sparring match. Before we left the cloud temple, Pearl told me that she’s going to help perfect my skills, rather than teach me to become a knight. Sounds good.

The Arena is ancient! So ancient that some of the first battles between Gems were held here. I don’t think GIR understands the significance of this place, neither does Amethyst for that matter. Which is odd because she’s a Gem. The three of us have started going to eat at this place named Aqua-Mexican. I still don’t know how Amethyst can wrestle as the Purple Puma after eating so much! It’s not as if she needs to eat. Or sleep, that’s another thing she does. My theory is that she does it because it’s fun, and to remove stress from Pearl and Garnet’s orders.

Garnet is in control of everything as current leader of the Crystal Gems. There are some questions I would like to ask her, after I integrate myself into the group more. How does she feel about being the leader? I know that she’s only the leader due to Rose Quartz’s death, but she’s a remarkably good one. GIR tells me that she sometimes goes on her on missions. Where’s her room? My probe wasn’t able to capture pictures of her room, does she stay in the lava room? If so, that’s a pretty incredible room to stay in. And these aren’t the only questions Crystal Gem Zim has for her. Crystal Gem Zim. I’ve grown to love the sound of that. Crystal Gem Zim! Woo!!!

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #42.**

Three months later and the training goes well! Pearl says I’ve made real, visible improvements and that soon I’ll be able to take on whatever those Corrupted Gems can throw at me!!! Now I understand why the Gems were so hesitant to destroy those monsters, they were allies against the Homeworld Gems. I wonder if the Crystal Gems sometimes wish their friends were destroyed and not corrupted. The fallen Crystal Gems have completely lost themselves, not even ROSE QUARTZ could find a way to cure them. I know it’s a dark thing to say, but there are some fates worse than death.

For now the Crystal Gems can only contain their corrupted former friends, no cure in sight. I suggested to Garnet that Steven, being the son of Rose, could one day find one. I know the boy will be taught how to use his powers as he grows up. For some reason, I have a feeling he’ll end up being better than all of us. That’s what happens in a lot of the movies GIR and I watch. Even his name sounds heroic and important. STEVEN UNIVERSE. 

Lately I’ve started meeting up with Steven’s father, Greg. I genuinely want to get to know Beach City citizens more, become more friendly and social with the people I’m trying to protect. GIR raved about the man’s music. I think he’s listened to “Comet” about 100 times or some crazy number like that. Greg loves talking about his music and now offers free ukulele lessons, perhaps I shall take him up on his offer sometime! First I have to learn what a ukulele is.

Oh! Steven has started talking!!! After months of vocalizing and verbal experimentation, he’s finally past cooing and his first real word was “dada” to Greg. Words can’t even describe how happy the man was, I was there too. Y’know, Irkens aren’t supposed to feel pride in someone else. Well I happen to think it’s SEVERELY underrated.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #43.**

Today I ended up raiding a thrift store! Initially, my only goal was to buy a gold star lapel pin. Now GIR is the proud owner of what he refers to as a “mongoose-dog” suit which is green with a zipper on the stomach and a head that can be pulled over. Sort of like a hoodie. Humans wear a lot of different types of clothes and shoes, unlike Irkens. Even the Gems only change their appearance when reforming. Amethyst is the exception as her wrestling alter-ego. ALL THOSE MUSCLES. 

And I have a gold star lapel pin. Finally, a star of my own! Yesterday I was able to defeat all the holograms Pearl summoned to fight me! That was so amazing! Pearl expressed her pride, and I was able to save GIR when one of the Holo-Pearls identified him as an unregistered combatant. Not gonna lie, that was a little scary for me. Just a little. But it served as an even more effective training. If I have to protect GIR, Steven, or any weak and vulnerable humans from some terrible threat. Pearl called the humans that, so it’s okay to say. I think.

After the song sessions with Greg, which are also going well, I have decided to talk to EVEN MORE weak and vulnerable humans. I should care about more than just Steven and Greg! At the perfect time, in the middle of a restaurant war fought between the fry humans and pizza humans. Not literal fry and pizza humans, they aren’t made out of food, those are their actual names. It took FOREVER for GIR and I to get any stinking food. Eventually a treaty was signed AND WE COULD ALL FINALLY EAT. Fry humans, pizza humans, aliens and robots all eating together. That’s the meaning of life. 

Two children were looking at GIR and I funny. Heh, almost like they’d seen an alien and a robot. One was clearly a member of the fry family, the other must be his friend. Can you believe they didn’t even ask the alien and his robot any questions? Were they too scared to talk? The other kids weren’t. There were two sisters, they were members of the pizza family. Oh and the older girl’s friends. I’ve noticed that young girls often gravitate towards the cute little half-robot and half-doggy and young boys do so with the gross bug man straight out of a sci fi. Nice to know we’re a big hit with the kids!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #44.**

Another three months have gone by. I’ve finished my training with Pearl, and you know what that means. ZIM’S OFFICIALLY A CRYSTAL GEM, BABY! FIGHTING MONSTERS AND SHARING EMOTIONS. THAT’S THE WAY IT’S DONE AND I’VE GOT THIS DOWN. 

Engaging in battle wasn’t part of my plan for today. Instead I thought today would be the same as any other. GIR and I watched Floopsy Bloops Shmoopsy, then Mirror-Zim and I shared series finale theories. Yes, the series finale! Finally!!! After 300 something seasons, this repetitive inconsistent show comes to an end. I’m ashamed of my obsession with it. Hopefully that teen drama set to air this weekend is better written, Mirror-Zim remembers the name. Something about campers?

Drat! I always get distracted talking about shows. Well I’m not the only one who gets distracted. The Gem monster I ended up defeating in battle was first defeated by Pearl. Before the monster’s gemstone could properly be bubbled, Amethyst and Pearl began bickering. Over what? Wait, I don’t need to know. Amethyst accidentally hit Pearl, and their enemy escaped. It was decided by Garnet that I come along the second try. My suspicion? Is that Garnet foresaw Pearl shifting into teacher mode. 

That ended the infighting. After arriving at our destination via Warp Pad, Amethyst suggested a new nickname, which, I don’t know how I feel about. Intruder Jim. I am Zim! Not Jim! And I was enthralled by the sight of an Ancient Gem Colony Ship, not really paying attention to anything else Amethyst said. Pearl was quick to teach me about the derelict vessel, Gems used these before the creation of a warp system to travel to Earth. Amethyst was annoyed being cut off in the middle of a sentence. Well I was annoyed by the nickname. 

Garnet led on and the four of us walked past the ship, which had long been abandoned and overgrown with wildlife. I hope to one day enter inside, study the screens and transmitters. Never seen a ship quite as old. Enough about that, the light green Corrupted Gem made it’s appearance not too long after we arrived. Wouldn’t you know it, the monster was stalking us the entire time we were searching for it. Bipedal, with two long legs and no eyes. The mouth was the scariest part, that’s ALWAYS the scariest part. IT WAS GOING TO EAT ME. SORT OF LIKE WHEN THE OTHER MONSTER NEARLY ATE STEVEN AND GREG. AAAGH!

The Crystal Gems gave a surprisingly bad performance. They saved me from BEING EATEN but were then outsmarted by the beast! Are all monsters this difficult? Even for warriors of Amethyst and Pearl’s caliber? Who are led by a GREATER warrior??? One who can see into the future??? I took a moment to compose myself, then quickly realized that a great chance emerged. As the Gems kept their opponent busy, I used my mechanical spider legs to tower over all. I now had a height advantage. So I took a rock AND THREW IT AT THE CORRUPTED GEM. BULLSEYE. JUST LIKE WHEN I THREW GIR LAST TIME. Amethyst was right, this little guy DOES have arm strength! Garnet thanked me for the help, and Pearl was particularly proud of her pupil!! Another GLORIOUS DAY… and THERE’S MORE to come. I promise! 

…

Zim, signing off.

  



	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you will see, this chapter contains a time skip. The following chapter does as well. There may even be two time skips in this chapter alone! Don't worry, the Steven Universe part of the story is chapter fourteen, so you won't have to wait along. And this chapter not only contains more character development for Zim, but will also be setting things up for the future!

**Log Entry #45.**

I've officially been living on Earth for five years! The Earth year is 2006. Just five years ago I was a space invader, cackling maniacally and trying to take over Earth. Now I... still cackle. But slightly less maniacally! And I help keep Earth safe from monsters and other threats. My first mission was a success and the job only got easier as time went on.

Amethyst and I have even begun a contest of sorts. Who can get the most "kills." We're not REALLY killing anything so I don't know why she refers to these victories as such. I have 13 and she has 19. Amethyst initially had the lead but I've started to catch up. When is a winner decided? Is there even a winner?? Perhaps the game goes on. Pearl assured us that she's staying neutral, and yet, Amethyst accuses her of favoring me. Her star pupil. Garnet says it doesn't matter who poofs the monsters, we just need to make sure they can't hurt anyone from inside their bubbles.

I agree, that is the most important thing. Well it can't hurt to make things a bit more interesting! Life on Earth is interesting. Plenty of things that I enjoy. Like the Camp Pining Hearts show! Sooooo much better than Floopsy Bloopsy Shmoopsy. The writers ruined the show by the end. Mirror-Zim and I spend hours talking about our favorite characters, plotlines, and ships. Not the ships that are used to fly, oh no. Shipping is derived from the word relationship, our desire for characters to be in relationships. That's something I learned from message boards. That and canonheads. Excuse me, headcanons.

Another thing I enjoy about Earth is being around people who care about me. Of course the Crystal Gems, and the Universe family! Steven is five years old now which means he can walk and talk. Our conversations aren't deep or anything, I still appreciate him though. Steven is the friendliest, most compassionate person I've ever known. He also looks up to the Crystal Gems. All of us, including me. Him and GIR already go on their own adventures and he's made it clear that he wants to be a hero one day! Certainly has the potential!! Optimism and compassion are traits of successful heroes. STEVEN UNIVERSE. A great future hero!!!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #46.**

Steven can play ukulele pretty well! Always practicing his skills, I know the musical inclination comes from his father. Greg taught me how to play the ukulele as well. A quaint little instrument. Unlike Steven, I haven't spent much time practicing. My schedule is too busy for that. Fighting monsters, watching new episodes of Camp Pining Hearts, now even building a house! An entire house!

Construction of said house is a group effort, Steven's future home and an entrance to the Crystal Temple. Boy is he excited to live with the Gems. Unfortunately he won't be living with them anytime soon at the rate we're going. Not that we're doing... BADLY but SO MUCH WORK goes into this. It's insane. Greg said a project like this will take a long time and Steven is already writing songs about his future experiences with the Gems. That's right, he wrote an entire song. Which is incredible at his young age.

IT SOUNDS REALLY GOOD. AND I'M NOT JUST SAYING THAT BECAUSE STEVEN WROTE IT. "We Are the Crystal Gems" is sort of the official theme now. I may know how to play ukulele but Steven is so gifted that Greg is already running out of things to teach him! Despite his talent, Steven was still nervous about playing his song to the Gems. Eventually he did, I jokingly threatened to destroy the Gems if they didn't like it. Amethyst said I didn't need to do that because they would like it even if it was bad. Pearl agreed.

So if you're evil and you're on the rise, you can count on the five of us taking you down. 'Cause we're good and evil never beats us. We'll win the fight and then go out for pizza! Handful of the lyrics. Garnet, Amethyst, Zim, Pearl, and Steven! ZIM smack-dab in the middle. Perfection! Everybody liked the song and we hugged Steven. Construction continues tomorrow, and this Crystal Gem's motivation is sky-high!

...

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #47.**

I haven't updated in a year, something crazy happened today! Another Irken arrived on Earth... and they were actually really friendly!! Skoodge. An old acquaintance whom I never thought I would see again.

When I first saw an Irken ship in the sky, my fears began to get the better of me. Sure I've faced countless monsters in combat, and survived Tak, but things looked unfathomably worse. What if the Tallest somehow found out that I wasn't dead? And they sent a skilled Invader to do the job? It wouldn't matter if the Crystal Gems defeated one Irken, I'm sure we could. The larger Irken Empire is what concerns me. I want the Armada as far away from this planet as POSSIBLE.

All the Crystal Gems were in our battle positions, myself leading the charge. Normally Garnet is the one to do that. She said it herself, more my fight than theirs. If I hadn’t recognized Skoodge, there would’ve been a massacre. The guy isn't even an Invader anymore! After conquering Blorch, he was fired from the main cannon of the Massive! Because the Tallest are jerks and didn't like the idea of Skoodge as poster boy. Then he went on to test with trainees from all over the universe on Hobo 13, hoping for a promotion.

He told an incredible story, there were countless gruesome trials, but, miraculously, he made it to the Fortress of Pain. Only some of his teammates didn't make it. Sergeant 678 congratulated him, then challenged Skoodge to a duel. Even after winning, the Tallest STILL didn't give him his promotion. They're the worst! I suppose it's a good thing they locked his new ship's controls and set him on a crash collision course for the sun. He escaped with somebody named Bob.

Skoodge began his search for me, but then started hearing rumors of my death. Nobody else would want to look for me. And he never gave out hope. He's conversing with the Crystal Gems, they can fill him in about my Earth adventures while I look for Steven. Introducing new friends to old ones. Is this the first time I've called him a friend? Hmm. Personal growth!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #48.**

Not just personal growth, Skoodge said I’ve grown taller since we last saw each other. The reason is because Irkens are arthropods that never stop growing. Evolution didn’t program a natural limit to our lives like it did to humans. They stop growing when they become young adults. Obviously Gems don’t age. Something seems to have activated in my PAK, I presume me staying healthy and active on Earth helped promote growth hormones. From three feet to three and a half feet! 

Steven endeared himself like he always does. So much so that Skoodge decided to help with a little project. Several holo-schematics were implemented, and it felt good to work on a project such as this once again. As we assembled the necessary elements, Skoodge took note of how much I had changed since we last saw each other. Still a tiny bit volatile, but a marked change in disposition for the better. That sounds about right. Skoodge also let me know that he was impressed to see I survived Tak and even the Tallest. That I made an effort to improve myself. I told him “you know Zim, too stubborn to die!”

So we continued working. Implementing a state of the art propulsion system, advanced arm-thingies, and the most unquestionably loyal robot brain in the whole universe! No, even more unquestioningly! “More unquestioningly?” Yes! And I told Skoodge not to question me again. There was one last thing. Vortian scientist and prisoner 777 needed to send some insanely powerful weapons. I knew him from my days as a scientist, it sure is too bad Vort was conquered. A massive amount of things had come together at the replicator pad installed in my forward command center. Lastly was the pod, in purple! What a nice guy, that 777.

All these elements were assembled, pieces swirling around and forming into something beautiful! An incredible light show, and us Irkens smiled through it all. I wanted Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven present for the unveiling. Not a fearsome weapon of mass destruction, though experimental doomsday technology WAS built into it, AN INCREDIBLE COMPANION FOR STEVEN! MINIMOOSE! He’s got nubs! And they can also be used as nubs of DOOM! A floating stuffed animal. Purple, nose-less moose. Not only does Steven have a new playmate, but a new protector as well!! 

Skoodge left after the construction of Minimoose was complete. Said something about tracking down Tenn? He’ll give me a call if things ever go south. Minimoose is a total success, and I feel great about myself.

…

Zim, signing off.

  
  



	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And here we are! At the final chapter of the Invader Zim Arc!! It's only the first of four story arcs, not including Steven Universe: the Movie and Steven Universe Future. I'm going to write a sequel fic later down the line continuing the events after Change Your Mind. For now I hope you've enjoyed reading as I take a brief two-to-four week hiatus. Let me know what you think, I can't stress enough how much I thrive off of feedback!

**Log Entry #49.**

Today is the tenth anniversary of when I arrived on Earth!! Isn’t that exciting?! I can’t believe it’s been such a long time. There have been plenty of new developments since the previous log entry. I’m now four feet tall! Amethyst’s exact height, no longer a foot shorter! That’s not even counting the antenna. Oh and my “kill count” has surpassed hers as well. She’s at 38 and I’m at 39. 

Pearl has begun to berate Amethyst more and more for slacking off. “You should be more like Zim, he gives his all.” Their relationship has been strained for as long as I’ve known them, but the fights are more frequent these days. Pearl and I always compliment each other’s skills and admire each other’s techniques. And I’ve only known Pearl for ten years, which is nothing compared to the thousands of years Amethyst has. Apparently they used to have a closer relationship, it had begun deteriorating shortly before my arrival. Could Rose’s death have had something to do with it? 

I try not asking too many questions about Rose Quartz. I did ask Pearl once, after a light sparring session years ago. Everything Pearl did was for Rose. She took great pride in knowing all of Rose's secrets, considering herself the “sole confidant.” Now that Rose is gone, everything Pearl does is for Steven. I think she’s the closest thing to a mother figure Steven has. And to think she nearly pulled out his gemstone trying to bring Rose back. EVERYTHING would be different if she actually went through with the idea.

Steven!! He’s an adolescent!! Due to his isolated upbringing, Pearl and I have been the ones to educate him. So he possesses a good deal of knowledge without having attended conventional schools. Unfortunately, both Pearl and I are oblivious about some human activities. How are we supposed to teach what we don’t know? His powers haven’t developed and he has no experience, but the potential is there. He’ll start to tag along on missions, and someday become the team’s leader. When that day comes, this good soldier will follow orders.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #50.**

I was talking to the “Cool Kids” earlier today, a group of teenagers consisting of Buck Dewey, Jenny Pizza, and Sour Cream. I’ve known them since they were adolescents and even used to babysit them from time to time. To this day I still get political favors and pizza coupons from their families.

According to them, there’s going to be a special autograph signing in Empire City. “What happens in Empire City, never sleeps.” Doesn’t really make much sense to me. Anyway, I need to take Steven to this autograph signing! The perfect present for his eleventh birthday! He’s such a big fan of these heroes, they’re world-famous unlike the Crystal Gems. I actually want to meet them myself. I found out about them via news reports years ago, three artificially made humans and a human who can transform into aliens!! What incredible teenagers!

The question then arises… how do we get there? If only I had my Voot Cruiser, then there wouldn’t be any problem. We can’t use a Warp Pad either. Do we walk there? Take a train? Maybe a bus? I’ll figure something out. Eventually… hopefully… maybe. Wait! Greg once said he wanted to visit Empire City, all three of us can go on a trip to the bustling metropolis! I’ll tell Greg about my plan. GIR and Minimoose should also come along, the Gems probably wouldn’t be interested so it’ll just be us five. 

I tell Greg my plan, we purchase tickets online, he drives his van to Empire City, and the teenage superheroes sign autographs for Steven. We’ll also be listening to Greg’s mix of 80’s tunes on the way there, my favorite is “Starlight.” Of course, we head to Empire City through Jersey. Which is a terrible state from what I’ve heard. But I think we can survive a simple hour and a half drive.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #51.**

THAT WAS ONE… HELL OF A TIME. I TEAMED UP WITH THE TEENAGE SUPERHEROES TO STOP SUPERVILLAINS FROM TAKING OVER THE WORLD. AND I’M… getting ahead of myself. When we arrived in Empire City, things looked dire. The intergalactic warlord I’ve mentioned before in passing, he was here! VILGAX! And he teamed up with the HORRIBLE primate Mojo Jojo. I remember watching the first news report in 2002, him and his ape army. Mojo turned into a giant monstrous ape after his army was destroyed, he lost and was taken into custody.

I would’ve intervened but the Powerpuff Girls found a way to beat him down. They were only five years old then, so they’re considerably stronger now. I plotted to take over Earth at the time and only would have dealt with Mojo Jojo myself because the world wasn’t his to conquer. Obviously things changed. I saw Mojo inside his hover pod and I told the others to stand back while I took care of business. Actually, I flew over to the simian using my jetpack and talked to him for a minute. Wow, I really used to talk like that. And STILL DO talk like that occasionally! I know how these villains think, because I used to BE that villain.

“I don’t even know where to start! There are just so many possible ways this latest evil scheme can be thwarted. Settle in, monkey boy. Wait, the Powerpuff Girls might defeat you before I even finish counting them! I give it ten… no… five minutes..!!”

By the time Mojo’s “sons” the Rowdyruff Boys were defeated, I had really gotten under his skin. Leaving him scatterbrained, and vulnerable. He especially resented the “monkey boy” comment, I knew he would. Vilgax on the other hand? He still scares me, even after he lost to Ben Tennyson and was forced to retreat with his army. I saw some of the battle and I’m astonished by the POWER and SPECTACLE of the Omnitrix. With it's power, an ordinary 16 year old kid can go toe to toe with Vilgax! One of the most dangerous villains in the universe! Ben fought as a Pyranite, Steven knows him as Heatblast.

Speaking of Steven, he really bit off more than he could chew. He was oblivious to the danger of tagging along, deliberately disobeying his father by following me. One of Vilgax’s drones was about to kill him before I intervened! Two other stragglers still remained and I destroyed them with my laser gun. The heroes then asked who we were as Ben’s Omnitrix alerted him of a new alien sample. Well I straight up told them, Steven is a big fan who’s here for the autograph signing! Not only did they sign autographs, we all took selfies together! Those are self-portraits taken with your cell phone. I know the official lingo!

Blossom, commander of the Powerpuff Girls, asked the most questions. “So is GIR a robot or a dog? Both?” Bubbles was too enamored with GIR to care what he was, and just gave him a big old hug. Well I’m happy GIR has a new friend. Buttercup, the toughest fighter, said I had a cool blaster. I’m just glad it hasn’t gone unappreciated. Steven was able to take one last selfie with his favorite Omnitrix transformation, Diamondhead, before we headed back to Beach City. These are the sort of memories which last a lifetime, and I’m glad I could help make his birthday special.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #52.**

I keep forgetting to write until a year has already passed, I seriously need to update more regularly! Today was Steven’s twelfth birthday, exactly one year since the previous log entry. Not much has changed since then. My “kill count” is above Amethyst's and our missions go well. Mirror-Zim and I will always be fans of the Camp Pining Hearts franchise despite everything. Steven and I go to the big donut nearly every day with GIR and Minimoose. It’s the same old, same old. I’m not tired of the repetition, at least not yet.

Today was an important day. The Gems welcomed Steven into his new home! Twelve years old, I still can’t wrap my head around the fact that he’s twelve years old. GIR was right, they really do grow up so fast! Physically he hasn’t grown much at all. I enjoy being the taller one. If he doesn’t grow in another two years, then we’ll have a big problem on our hands. I haven’t faced a serious problem in over a decade! Oh don’t get me wrong, I’ve been in scary situations fighting some of the deadlier monsters. But these days, someone will always have my back. I’ll never be alone.

I spent some time inside the Beach House, it’s modest-sized and environmentally friendly. Naturally Steven loves it. He probably would’ve been grateful to live with his heroes no matter the quality of the house. The far side of the interior opens beautifully into the foyer of the Crystal Temple. And just outside of the gate is a Warp Pad.

The Gems made sure they created a happy home environment. Pearl washed Steven’s clothes, which are all the same but then again who am I to talk; Garnet and Pearl washed dishes while Amethyst ate part of one. The sandwiches Greg made were good but not THAT good. Only Amethyst, I swear. Greg tried reading a bedtime story to Steven but GIR was making so much noise that no one could hope of sleeping. We created a new plan, Greg would drive around with GIR and I would put Steven to sleep. “I DID IT SEVEN YEARS AGO AND I CAN DO IT AGAIN!” I reasoned. 

I was going to read him the story, but then decided to do something a little different. Instead, I was going to tell him a different story. This one actually happened. The true story of how I became a Crystal Gem. In the past I told him that all Irkens were evil, except me. Later when Skoodge arrived on Earth, I made some revisions and updates. Now I’ve told him everything. I invaded Earth and wanted to do terrible things to his planet, but then started caring about people. I saw how nice the Crystal Gems had been, and what the Tallest were really like. That’s how I became the Irken I am today.

Steven believes in everyone, like his mother. She had written a manifesto years ago which I thought her son should hear. “Fight for all life on the planet Earth. Defend all human beings, even the ones you don’t understand. Believe in love that is out of anyone’s control. And then risk everything for it!” Hearing me repeat the manifesto moved Pearl to tears and Steven was left feeling inspired. I teared up a little and left shortly afterwards. I may as well go to sleep after Greg is done driving GIR around and drops him off. Not because I need to, but because I’ve grown to enjoy it as I’ve gotten older. 

…

Zim, signing off.

  
  
  
  
  



	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back again! The first chapter of the Steven Universe Arc, and hoo boy are there a lot of episodes in this one. It was fun rewatching these early episodes again on DVD, and of course I'm very excited for Steven Universe Future in two weeks. Let me know what you guys think of the latest chapter, comments and kudos are always appreciated!

**Log Entry #53.**

Today became a very big day for Steven! He started it off by going to the local donut shop, the Big Donut, with GIR and Minimoose. Those two follow him around all the time these days. I even think GIR spends more time with Steven than he does with me! All three were upset to learn that the Cookie Cat ice cream sandwiches had been driven off the market. And by the inferior Lion Licker popsicles at that. Curse those Lion Lickers… curse them!!!

The Crystal Gems heard it was being discontinued and made it our mission to stock up on them for Steven! Don’t worry, I threw monies in the face of every employee, so it wasn’t stealing. We wanted to surprise Steven. Ironically, we were surprised by a Centipeetle horde before Steven returned home. Most were destroyed, but the Centipeetle Mother still remained. More about that later. Steven found the Cookie Cats in the freezer and delighted in singing the jingle. So did GIR and Minimoose, even I found myself tapping my foot on the beat.

Then, the most INCREDIBLE thing happened. STEVEN’S GEMSTONE BEGAN TO GLOW. IT’S NEVER DONE THAT BEFORE. Eventually, of course, the glow faded. Excitedly, he asked the Gems to teach him how to summon a weapon. Each tried to teach him by using their personal philosophies, unfortunately he was left baffled and confused. Steven even visited me, and I’m not a Gem! I decided to give him a basic explanation of how my PAK works. Steven thinks it’s cool that my body is a weapon. Yeah, it is pretty neat. Obviously we aren’t going to attach a PAK to his body so the next best thing would’ve been to recreate what happened.

GIR assured Steven it was bound to work, he “saw it on TV so it MUST be true!!!” Well guess what? It didn’t work. He was disappointed nothing happened and we reassured Steven that he’s a valued member of the team. And then he took another bite of his Cookie Cat. Not only did his gemstone glow again, but his weapon was finally revealed. It’s a shield! A magnificent shield! Under normal circumstances, it would have been a time for celebration.

Unfortunately, just then, the Centipeetle Mother attacked. The Gems and I told Steven to stay in the house but he decided to join the battle anyway. It’s a good thing he did. Because if he didn’t, the battle may have been lost. I think that after our many victories, we underestimated the danger of such a giant creature. Steven couldn’t summon his shield a second time so he instead decided to throw his freezer at the Centipeedle, electrocuting her. We actually owe our victory to Steven! 

He’s still an overly emotional boy, even burying the Cookie Cat wrappers. Maybe GIR’s right, and the power of love is how Steven’s gemstone works. What I know for a fact is that Steven’s shouldn’t have eaten so many Cookie Cats. Now I have to lend him the bucket.

  
…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #54.**

  
Earth has been threatened by the wrath of the Gem Homeworld! For the first time in thousands of years!!! We were able to destroy their meteor-like device, the Red Eye, before it could potentially collide into Earth and kill countless citizens. But we didn’t have success the first time. Or the second. Not even the third. It took us NINE tries.

When Garnet, Pearl and I first saw the Red Eye hurtling towards the Earth, I boldly proclaimed that my laser guns could easily blow it out of the sky. They can easily dispatch Corrupted Gems, but not Homeworld Gem technology. I guess that solves the debate of Irken tech vs Gem tech. Even Garnet’s idea was a total failure, though I admit watching her launch Amethyst into the Red Eye was actually pretty funny.

Rose Quartz’s laser light cannon is what destroyed the Red Eye, and her son turned the tide for the second time. So did the father, Greg. The Gems doubted that Greg would have the cannon, but I wouldn’t. Oh yes, I still held onto hope. It’s a good thing I did, because it turns out the weapon had collected dust in Greg’s storage unit all along. Greg and Steven drove it to the beach, I asked GIR and Minimoose to join Steven on his quest to find the cannon. I’m sure they were listening to Greg’s old album on their way to the beach.

I had grown tired of watching Garnet throw Amethyst at the Red Eye. It was funny the first two or three times, but five? Anyway, activating the cannon proved difficult at first, but then Steven said something about bologna or hot dogs or whatever and that surprisingly activated the cannon. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl, and Steven lifted the laser light cannon. I yelled “FIRE!!!” and a rose-shaped beam destroyed the Red Eye.

Greg’s van was washed towards the ocean in the aftermath. I would’ve helped Steven and Greg but my LITERAL BURNING HATRED of water prevented me from doing so. I quietly pulled Garnet aside and asked her what the presence of a Red Eye could mean. Well, whatever the future may hold, we won today. 

…

Zim, signing off. 

**Log Entry #55.**

Steven took an important test today, which he passed! He just... doesn’t know it was a test. And the Gems don’t plan on telling him the truth about his mission anytime soon. I try to always be honest with Steven, as I hate lying in any form. You can imagine why. Truth be told, I still feel bad about keeping this a secret from him. Then again, it wasn’t something planned, the Crystal Gems just saw an opportunity. To test if he was ready to go on future missions.

Sure the Sea Spire wasn’t crucial, and Steven forgot to bring the Moon Goddess statue which would’ve saved it. But he did some pretty impressive things! For example, we encountered Crystal Shrimp creatures infesting the Spire. While Pearl and I were making convoluted plans to avoid the swarm, Steven pulled bagel sandwiches out of his cheeseburger backpack. He threw them to opposite sides of the room, the shrimp were distracted and a path was cleared.

His ingenuity is very impressive! Early in the mission he pulled out sweaters from his backpack and used them as a rope swing. Pearl told him to never do it again, but agreed that it was a good idea. Minimoose said something about a “bird mom mode.” Haha, that is pretty funny! Unfortunately, Steven’s luck eventually ran out. He didn’t have the statue but GIR had an alternative. Using Minimoose! 

It was worth a shot, and for at least a moment, seemed to work. THEN MINIMOOSE EXPLODED. THE SPIRE BEGAN TO CRUMBLE AND EVENTUALLY FLOOD AS I WAS LOSING MY MIND. GIR used his jetpack to fly underneath me so we hovered as the others one by one popped up from underwater. Minimoose survived… SOMEHOW. Steven felt terrible but Minimoose assured him it was no biggie. Oh and the raft! All in all, Steven did pretty well. Now I’m in the mood for a good burger. Where did he get that backpack anyway? 

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #56.**

The burger was delicious! But I prefer what I had for lunch today. Ordering from Fish Stew Pizza wasn’t my plan, I was up for Steven’s “Together Breakfast.” He was so excited to have breakfast with all of us, and get us to take part in his special tradition! 

He had no success gathering the Gems, and gave up after several attempts. At least he could share it with GIR and I. Garnet then warped into the room and declined his offer to have some of the Together Breakfast with us. She had a scroll to burn. A scroll so evil… that even just taking a picture of it with a smartphone requires the phone be burned as well.

Steven was unable to open the temple door with his gemstone, disappointed that it never seems to work when he needs it. Suddenly, the front door opened and “dumb police” Amethyst started yelling that we were dumb. I’M NOT DUMB. AND NEITHER IS STEVEN. Do you know what’s ACTUALLY dumb??? SQUIRTING US WITH A WATER GUN. Steven and nearly the cake but MORE IMPORTANTLY MYSELF. I GOT SO MAD!!!! I even instinctively brought out my laser gun. Sometimes she can be too much… Amethyst.

I wasn’t the only one mad at Amethyst. Pearl accused Amethyst of taking her sword. Of course Amethyst denied ever taken the sword. Then Pearl mentioned she cleaned her room and rushed back in the Temple. Steven and I followed Pearl through her door and shenanigans quickly ensued. My memory’s a little hazy on this. I remember Steven and Pearl falling down a waterfall and Amethyst later chasing Steven through the Temple. She was REALLY hungry for some Together Breakfast, and didn’t intend on sharing with anyone. 

You wanna know the reason we didn’t all end up eating the Together Breakfast? It tried to kill us. No I’m not joking you, it literally tried to kill us all after being possessed by the evil from the scroll. Steven shouldn’t have been in the Burning Room, nothing good was ever going to come of it. Pearl and I even warned him to stop earlier and he didn’t listen. THAT BEING SAID, he was able to force the mutated Together Breakfast into the lava pool without any help from us. So at least it’s a good thing he knows the importance of cleaning up your own mess.

All the Crystal Gems helped Steven make a new Together Breakfast, bigger and better than the previous one! The big problem was that NONE of us had the appetite to eat it as a result of this morning’s events. Except GIR. He sickens me sometimes, you know.

…

Zim, signing off.


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Man, some of the earlier Steven Universe episodes were weird. Frybo and Cat Fingers in particular are quite disturbing, almost like they're episodes of Invader Zim. And I can't believe Steven Universe Future is almost here! Everything we've heard about it so far leads me to believe that it'll be a fantastic sequel. Let me know what you think with a comment below. And I hope you enjoyed Thanksgiving!! To those who celebrate~

**Log Entry #57.**

I fear no man. But that thing? Frybo??? It scares me. Frybo always freaked me out, even before it turned into a horrible fast food monster. Steven brought him to life so his friend Peedee Fryman wouldn’t have to put on the costume. I had a bad experience with a mascot costume once, so I totally understand. Then again, Frybo wasn’t filled with white hot grease. It was only revolting, monstrous, and grotesque. Oh and stupid too!

How was Steven supposed to know Frybo would turn so violent? Wait, hold on a second. I think I remember Pearl warning Steven. Well he must’ve been distracted by his missing pants! I don’t know why they were missing, and I don’t think I want to know. I joined in on Pearl’s search of the town. According to GIR, the pants came to life when Pearl and I left, and the two of them chased after the renegade pants throughout the house.

You know, I once had a plan to conquer the human race with living, mind-control pants. It would’ve seemed like yet another horrible 2002 fashion trend. Enough about that, those days are thankfully gone. Seriously though, 2002 was the year fashion on Earth died. Pearl was my greatest enemy in those days. Now I’m happy to call her a friend! Sometimes the Crystal Gems will go on a mission, and everyone will act so immature. She’s disappointed in everyone. At least everyone except me..!! When I decorate my bulletin board with Pearl Points, I remember why joining this team was the right choice. They’re a new training system of hers and I love them. Amethyst doesn’t seem to, though.

I’m ashamed to admit it, but Frybo actually beat us both. Frybo’s stream of condiments blinded Pearl and I slipped on a grease spot. At least Frybo didn’t force feed us fries like it did those other people. Pearl especially dislikes eating. Before Frybo got the chance, he was attacked by warrior clothes brought to life by the shards Pearl dropped during the battle. GIR had a good plan. Not me, GIR! He dove into Frybo’s cheese-filled mouth and ripped out the shard causing the mess!!! GIR had a good meal, Peedee and his dad had a happy ending, and Steven didn’t even have to take off his underwear. Thankfully.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #58.**

I never did like cats. No, not really. I don’t even know why I dislike them. Maybe it has something to do with Tak’s SIR Unit, MiMi. She disguised herself as a little black cat with glowing red eyes, and that whole situation started with her stalking me one night in February. Since then, cat memes have flooded the internet. I don't even get WHY cat memes are popular, THEY’RE NOT THAT FUNNY. AS A MASTER OF COMEDY, I KNOW WHAT’S FUNNY AND WHAT ISN’T.

And there’s nothing FUNNY about what happened today. Yes, Steven’s “cat fingers” were cute at first. Adorable, even. Pearl put the idea into Steven’s head that he should master the power of shapeshifting. Amethyst explained how. And after attempting to turn into a cat like Amethyst did, he managed to turn one of his fingers into a cat head. The kid ran to show it to his dad. I’m sure he also showed his cat finger to as many people he could find. As long as he doesn’t reach my old levels of extreme narcissism, I don’t see a problem with that. I think it’s a good thing to have confidence in your abilities!

The Crystal Gems were leaving on a mission to fight a LIVING ISLAND when Steven returned to the Crystal Temple and asked for help returning his fingers to normal. The living island is a story for another day, I was on the boat and worried the whole time. And not just because of all that water. All of Steven’s fingers were turned into cats! Knowing him, it was probably so that the original finger wouldn’t feel lonely. Sometimes I worry he’s too innocent for this world.

At least Minimoose and GIR stayed by his side the whole time, I trust that they helped him feel less alone. The Crystal Gems returned the next day after our battle with the island. As cool as that sounds, the battle itself wasn’t especially remarkable. I suppose throwing the grenade was fun. Garnet did sick moves. When we did return on the Gem Soop, the cats had been cleared from Steven’s body. Garnet’s right, Amethyst and Pearl should place more faith in him! I can’t say I have a lot of faith that his humor will improve. I’m sorry Steven, but as a master of comedy, I do not approve. He should kill the cat puns like he did the cat fingers.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #59.**

Steven likes a girl!!! That’s a far more meaningful and less superficial indicator he’s aging. Even if it is still weird that he hasn’t grown in the past four years. Ah, well. Took me five years to grow. I’m sure he’ll grow taller eventually. I wouldn’t have picked up on that if not for my soap operas. I’m enlightened.

Earlier in the day, the Gems were discussing whether the seismic disturbances were earthquakes. We then saw Steven riding a bike. Which is a normal thing to do, but not on the beach. I was about to ask if he had the BRAIN WORMS when Garnet advised the rest of us to take note of the girl reading a book nearby. He was trying to impress her with his bike! Adorable, like one of the earlier Camp Pining Hearts episodes. It’s a shame that he stumbled and retreated into the house. All the Crystal Gems were watching him, Pearl was about to set up a play date but Garnet stopped her. We weren’t allowed to watch after.

Something about messing up his “funky flow.” Steven grabbed the glow bracelet from the freezer and then I remembered where I saw that girl before. The parade last year! I didn’t think it was a notable event at the time, it didn’t require a log entry. The Boardwalk Parade, Steven was a scrub brush on the car wash float She dropped the bracelet and he kept it in his freezer in case they ever met again. The two had a lot to talk about inside the bubble. He formed a magical crystal bubble to protect her from danger, I bet he looked so heroic. And that wasn’t even the end of his heroism.

There was a Worm Monster the two of them had to deal with. Without any help from the Crystal Gems, Steven was able to immobilize the monster, and it was even poofed! Before the Gems and I could arrive on the scene!! Connie’s right, Steven was incredible!!! That’s the girl’s name, by the way. We may have embarrassed him in front of her when we did arrive, but… it doesn’t matter. He has a new friend! I wouldn’t call her a best friend just yet. Not when Steven has been best friends with GIR for years. Best human friend, definitely. She’s thoughtful and courteous so I know her and Pearl will get along.

All this talk about friendship reminds me, I’ve started to read these log entries out loud and Mirror-Zim is a good audience member! Like a more snarky, cynical version of myself. We bounce off each other well. He still doesn’t particularly like the Gems. Except for Steven, who I think he has a soft spot for. I’m content with the fact that my best friend is my mirror self. A lot more fun than it sounds!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #60.**

Just how many times have we been banned from Beach City Funland? I’ve never kept count. I’m sure it’s more than five, maybe even ten. Steven got motion sick, jumped out of the teacup ride and fell on Mr. Smiley, and caused the lever to break. He caused so much mass destruction! I’m sure he’s not banned FOREVER, GIR and I have caused more destruction in the past. Sometimes on purpose.

As a result, “Serious Steven” was born. That was two weeks ago. Earlier today, he tried to prove himself worthy of being a Crystal Gem while we navigated our way out of an ancient Gem maze. The Warp Pad first took us to a strawberry field, I haven’t been there before. Pearl hadn’t been there in thousands of years, when it was a battlefield for Gems. As evidenced by all the sword in the ground. She was explaining the history as Steven worried about a small swarm of butterflies while covered in strawberry jam. Pearl had her second thoughts of having Steven along.

But I didn’t! Because I always try to be MOTIVATIONAL! In fact-”motivational” is my middle name! Actually, I don’t have a last name. If I ever needed to create a new last name for whatever reason, it would be Irken spelled backwards, like Dracula. Neat, right?

Eventually, we found a large, upside down pyramid temple. Pearl suggested the group split up. First she suggested Steven stay with her, there was a back and forth between her and Amethyst, then I pointed out that Minimoose was created to be Steven’s companion so those two may as well be paired up. Finally, Garnet chose to take Steven with her. Pearl went with Amethyst and I traveled with GIR and Minimoose. I’ve gotta say, even if we ultimately didn’t get much accomplished, it was fun going on an adventure with the two of them.

I may have nearly gone insane by the end, arriving back where we started after nearly getting killed by the axes, fire and spikes. We were going to keep going seemingly forever. Thank the stars Steven realized the temple worked like the teacup ride. The temple’s tooms, they rotated. Garnet broke through the floor and threw Steven, he removed the gem controlling the temple, and the day was saved thanks to Steven! It’s such a shame he couldn’t finish his little ukulele song. The swarm of butterflies attacking him WAS pretty funny, though.

…

Zim, signing off.

  
  
  
  



	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steven Universe Future debuts tomorrow! You can already guess how excited I am, lol. This chapter ended up being one of the longest ones so far. I was fueled by Steven Universe Future hype and I recently watched Enter the Florpus for a third time. So I hope you enjoy reading this chapter! And don't forget to leave a comment and kudos if you haven't already!

**Log Entry #61.**

I didn’t care much for wrestling initially. There weren’t enough lasers for my liking. Then Amethyst introduced me to her wrestling alter ego, the Purple Puma. I said it once years ago and I’ll say it again: the Purple Puma is TOTALLY SICK. Purple Puma is a heel, which means she’s one of wrestling’s bad guys. She only needs to be jeered by the audience to be an effective character. And she’s typically opposed by the moral and approving faces. My days of being a villain are behind me, but watching Purple Puma taunt the audience and do INCREDIBLY unsportsmanlike things really gets my adrenaline pumping.

And now Steven has discovered how wonderful wrestling is! He joined the underground wrestling league with Amethyst. As Tiger Millionaire, he claimed the Tag Team Belts! Tiger and Puma have WON THE CHAMPIONSHIP! I just wish Steven had told me sooner, we could’ve made Tiger and Puma merchandise! Why didn’t he tell me sooner, anyway? I have a sneaking suspicion Amethyst told him not to say anything. It's because I took Pearl’s side over Amethyst’s during a recent spat. Well, Amethyst should’ve known not to punch a blood polyp. Pearl is right, she’s absolutely right, Amethyst DOES put us in danger with her little outbursts! 

But Amethyst can also be awesome. Perhaps I should stick up for her more. I used to spend a lot more time with Amethyst early on, then I became a sort of confidant to Pearl. As you can imagine, Amethyst wasn’t a fan of this change. Neither was Mirror-Zim, for that matter.

Ah, the mirror. When Garnet and Pearl found the flyers, I let slip that I’ve always known Amethyst uses her powers on humans. That got me thinking. What if one day, Pearl discovers my greatest secret? That I took the mirror from her, and have used it for years? Do they even know the mirror has a personality? I can never tell a soul. Mirror-Zim wants to be with me, not the Gems! Contrary to what Amethyst might think of me now, I’m not just Pearl’s stooge.

ANYWAY! Back to the story. Garnet, Pearl and I found Amethyst and Steven in the abandoned warehouse by Dock 15. Lars and Sadie, the Big Donut employees, were watching the show. I think Steven hurt Lars’ feelings or something? Steven was only playing. Heels exist to make the crowd angry! If Tiger Millionaire is a menace, then Steven is doing his job well. Things got too serious too fast, though. So serious that Garnet and Amethyst were locked in a fight. I think Garnet was holding back, but Amethyst was definitely impassioned. Steven interrupted their fight to tell the audience Purple Puma’s “backstory.” It was effective, and helped Garnet and Pearl understand why Purple Puma needed to exist. It even moved me.

They then only pretended to fight. To please the crowd, “The Notorious Order of Wrestling Haters” was defeated. Garnet, dubbed “Captain Square”, apologized to Amethyst. Order had been restored and Purple Puma’s heel-face turn is complete. What a strong character arc!

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #62.**

In a previous log entry, I stated that I don’t particularly like cats. And now Steven has a pet lion. A… magical… pink pet lion. Lions aren’t your run of the mill house cats. THEY’RE HUUUGE. HE CAN’T LIVE ON A DIET OF LIZARDS FOR LONG.

Steven found him in the Sahara Desert. The Crystal Gems were on a mission to retrieve a gemstone referred to as the Desert Glass, which had become aimless for some unknown reason. It was creating sand pillars, stairs and walls randomly. We defeated the monster holding the gemstone with ease, and I was annoyed that Amethyst stole my kill! I was so close! The gemstone was embedded with a pillow, which Amethyst claimed as hers. Pearl was worried that Amethyst would drop it on sand. Steven was later the one to accidentally set the gemstone off in sand, because Amethyst failed to contain it immediately.

We didn’t know the glass had a lion guardian. One which the Gems and I were acquainted with on our way back to Steven. We quickly took up arms. Steven, GIR, and Minimoose assured us the lion meant us no harm. Steven was forced to say his goodbyes as we returned to the Crystal Temple via warp pad. Lion returned at his doorstep later in the day. I wasn’t there for the games myself, but GIR told me that the Lion wasn’t interested in playing them.

GIR caught me up to speed on everything that had transpired since I returned to the barn following our earlier mission. Mirror-Zim and I were debating whether or not water was wet. It was a particularly infuriating conversation anyway. GIR and I rocketed towards the beach, but Steven, Lion, and Minimoose had already retrieved the gemstone using their combined strength by the time we arrived. The threat has been bubbled away and now Steven has a pet Lion. Garnet… indirectly agreed to it. 

I’m still wondering what Steven plans on feeding that thing. Zebra? Antelope? Cat food????? Lots and lots of cat food. That’s gonna be one big litter box. 

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #63.**

The meat… HAS BEEN BEATEN! The Gem cave creature and the remaining drill parasites have been hunted down and defeated!! And I… didn’t get to do a lot of work today. I didn’t get to do a lot of work on the last mission either. Well I did play a lot of Vampire Piggy Hunter. And I didn’t get a game over! I don’t stink! Yes I’m chalking that up as a victory. One of my smaller ones.

Steven took us to Funland Arcade to celebrate our victory against the aforementioned Gem creature. He almost fell down from the edge of a cliff but Minimoose is always there to make sure he’s safe. The Crystal Gems used to stress over keeping Steven safe. But Minimoose does his job so well that they don’t have to worry nearly as much. So we all played the arcade games, earned our tickets, and exchanged them for prizes. Later we fought the drill parasites, nothing else happened, that’s all..!!

Except there’s more too. While at Funland Arcade, GIR ordered a particularly greasy pizza. He hugged me while covered in GREASE. I dragged GIR to the arcade's bathroom and ordered him to fetch me the cleansing chalk he always carries around for some reason. BUT THERE WAS BACON IN THE SOAP! A grotesque ZIT appeared almost immediately afterwards. GIR’s Acne Blast only caused the zit to expand and grow, and to such a monsterous size that he was able to SWIM IN IT. GIR was thoroughly amused by the entire ordeal. 

It was so not right! My head was… hideously deformed! GIR even had THE GALL to draw a face on the pimple with a black marker. As I shook him away, however, GIR went into some sort of trance. He obeyed my command to get away! It was the pimple’s bobbing. The hideous blemish appeared to have hypnotic powers. Even I fell into a trance watching it bob up and down in the bathroom mirror. I’m the first Irken to discover the power of the pimple. Of course, it needed a name. I dubbed it… Pustulio!

GIR and I stayed in the arcade all night. Garnet was still playing Meat Beat Mania, entranced by it’s rhythm. Playing every game in the arcade became boring and stale but then GIR pointed out that if Pustulio worked on humans as well, I could hypnotize them to do some tricks. Nobody got hurt! The performance was fun, I especially liked when I told Lars that he would be a chicken. He started squawking and raising his arms, it was pretty funny! His friend Sadie reached out for a video camcorder and seemed to be enjoying herself. The Big Donut employees are the most viable pairing in Beach City at the moment. And I also turned Ronaldo into a newborn baby. Funny at first, but was disturbing after a while.

The joke was over when Steven ran into the arcade, seperating from Amethyst and Pearl. He caught me up to speed. The parasites had come back and they were a problem. A serious problem. The Crystal Gems needed Garnet and I had a plan to snap Garnet out of her trance. Test out my hypnotic powers on her! They worked on at least nine other people earlier that day, so why wouldn’t it work this time? That didn’t work. My next plan was to control the citizens of Beach City and use them to force Garnet away from Meat Beat Mania. Steven protested to the idea, he said forcing people’s will seemed wrong. 

I argued that ends justified the means, but GIR assured us that he could beat Garnet at the game. And I must say, I’ve never seen GIR frustrated. That business on serious mode doesn’t… doesn’t count. Steven attempted to unplug the game, but didn’t take Garnet’s powers into account. Finally Steven just smashed the game's screen in frustration and released the game's hold over Garnet. He attempted to leave the arcade, and was caught by Mr. Smiley. So I used Pustulio to smooth over the problem. I wondered what I would do next with Pustulio. Only then did it finally BURST. All of the people I hypnotized, including Mr Smiley, were pretty peeved. Oh I still cheered the Gemss on! Just… while cleaning. I could’ve joined them if GIR wasn’t using merely ⅓ of a sponge.

…

Zim, signing off.

**Log Entry #64.**

GIANT WOMAN. Amethyst and Pearl fused today to become, in Amethyst’s words, an “ultra-powerful, stone-cold betty.” I’ve been a member of the Crystal Gems for eleven years, and they’ve never done that before. Well, the fusion Opal first formed years before I arrived on Earth. I assume Amethyst and Pearl used to fuse more often because they got along better. Before their leader, Rose Quartz, was dead. And before her son was born. Steven is the reason why they chose to fuse again. I remember it as if it were yesterday… yesterday...

Actually, it was this morning. Pearl and Amethyst were playing checkers, Steven distributed water balloon penalties, and GIR gave the most enthusiastic chess commentary ever. I was only there for the tail end, as I spent quite a long time in the barn. I was debating Mirror-Zim once again on whether water is wet. Mirror-Zim insists he’s right and I’m wrong. What, is he suddenly an expert on how water works? Not important, moving on. Amethyst and Pearl started an argument of their own over why they don’t form Opal anymore. An excited Steven asked who Opal was. Pearl and Amethyst had wildly different ways of explaining what fusion is. I think Garnet would have explained fusion the best.

Speaking of which, Garnet returned from a mission right around that time. She had located the Geode Beetles of Heaven and Earth, two corrupted Gems kept apart from each other for thousands of years. They weren’t causing trouble or anything, we just needed to retrieve them. Simple enough. What proved difficult was Amethyst and Pearl’s pointless bickering. I used to bicker with the Crystal Gems a lot, but that was when I schemed to destroy them. So Pearl and Amethyst have no excuse! And why not simply split up? Because one was at the bottom of a boiling lava lake, and only Garnet can swim in a lava lake. Oh, and Minimoose can as well. He tagged along with Garnet, his first time away from Steven.

The rest of us warped away to the Sky Spire. Garnet assured we would be safe there. And though she was gravely mistaken, she was right about Steven and I keeping the harmony. That’s right. ZIM… keeping the harmony. It feels so strange to type that.

Steven is a better person than all of us, but can be occasionally annoying. At the Sky Spire, Steven kept pestering Pearl and Amethyst with trivial questions about how Opal works. GIR had some questions of his own. And his were much more nonsensical. On a side note, I NEVER want him to mention biscuits ever AGAIN. I found myself feeling more frustrated and annoyed than usual. Steven’s barrage of questions, GIR’s ridiculousness, Pearl and Amethyst’s petty squabbling. I had just about enough. Suddenly, Steven started to sing.

He tried to convince Amethyst and Pearl to fuse into Opal through song. And you know what? His little song was so quaint, that I was put in a much better mood! It didn’t convince the two Gems to fuse, though. They eventually did. It only required that Steven be EATEN BY BIG BIRD. A Corrupted Gem taking the form of a massive bird-like creature. Only then did Amethyst and Pearl decide the situation was dire enough to fuse. I had one of my greatest freakouts. UNDERSTANDABLY SO, I WATCHED STEVEN GET EATEN ALIVE. IF OPAL HADN’T REACHED INTO THE GEM’S STOMACH AND SAVED HIM, I WOULD’VE HAD A HEART ATTACK. AT LEAST ONE OF THEM WOULD DEFINITELY HAVE BEEN ATTACKED.

Opal unfused not too long after forming, so I couldn’t get a sense of her personality. But she was definitely powerful, able to take down the Corrupted Gem in one shot. Steven was even more astonished by her than I was. This is his first time seeing a fusion. As far as he knows, anyway. When we warped back to the temple, he was the one who gave the Beetle back to Garnet, and not Opal. Garnet was absolutely right when she said Steven will be great at fusing one day. AND YES, HE CAN FUSE WITH THE OTHERS AS WELL. THAT’S SO AMAZING! I THINK! MAN! I… really hope Garnet is right. It would be sad if he couldn’t...

…

Zim, signing off.


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Friday the 13! Also, wasn't Steven Universe so good???? Also also, my good friend Sea, the series artist, has her own SU crossover comic! You can find it on spinel-swell.tumblr.com! Thank you for your kudos and comments! I love them so much! And all that's out of the way, here's the chapter now!

**Log Entry #65.**

Days on Earth are filled with adventure and excitement. Maybe some are a little dull, boring and bland. But today was different. Something happened. Something out of my control, and I felt powerless. Which is a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. 

It began simply enough. The Crystal Gems decided to search for a smell which had contaminated the Temple. My lack of a nose didn't keep me safe, Irkens "smell" through our antenna. It was a smelly smell. And the source of the smelly smell was a tuna burrito. Amethyst saved it from Aqua Mexican before it closed. Nothing Amethyst does can surprise me anymore, but I was still disgusted when Amethyst eagerly took a bite out of the five year old burrito. She got food poisoning shortly after, yet I know for a fact she didn't learn any lesson from the experience. 

Steven then found a painting of the Gems and Rose Quartz dressed like old timey people. He learned for the first time that Gems are thousands of years old, which is good, because I was beginning to wonder when they would tell him. There's a lot of things he doesn't know about them, and probably things I still don't know. As soon as he wondered aloud how they could find a cake large enough for all the candles, I just knew that there would be a whole big thing. Of course Garnet had to say that they don't celebrate birthdays. Naturally, Steven then decided to make up for the thousands of birthdays they missed. He said "well I celebrate Zim's birthday every year! And I pledge that you will have your birthdays, with all the candy, cake, and ice cream you've been denied." 

During Amethyst's party, which spiraled into violence as I knew it would, Pearl pulled me aside and asked if this was true. If I celebrated birthdays with Steven. Truthfully, I don't even remember the exact date I got my PAK attached. I just selected a random date and decided that it would be my birthday from that point on. GIR and Minimoose bring me birthday presents, I go to Funland with Steven and Greg, and a banquet is held in my honor. THAT'S RIGHT, A BANQUET IN MY HONOR! I never would've gotten ANYTHING like that back on Irk. What a crummy place. 

Unfortunately, Pearl didn't like the idea of a birthday party. Not at all. Especially not Steven's jokes, which still aren't funny. Not even a little. And to make matters worse, he dressed up like one of THEM. I don't know if I've ever brought this up before, but I HATE CLOWNS. I HATE THEM SO MUCH. WHO UNIRONICALLY ACTUALLY LIKES CLOWNS? NO ONE, BECAUSE THEY'RE THE WORST! Okay, rant over. Back to what I was saying before. So Steven threw a party for Garnet last and she finally had to tell him that the Gems are just "too big" for parties. He left distraught, so I asked GIR and Minimoose to keep an eye on him while I helped the Gems clean up supplies. 

When he returned… well… when Lion dropped him in front of us… we were horrified. He had become so old! And decrepit! On death's door. Pearl later explained that his gem had reacted to his state of mind. The Gems were arguing in despair with one another. I had to stay strong. I had to get GIR and Minimoose through..!! And I don't know how long I would've hidden my despair. If Steven hadn't returned to his normal age… WELL I DON'T EVEN WANNA THINK ABOUT IT. We managed to make him feel like himself again and I rushed with the Gems to give him a hug. Now we need to work on the rest. Steven still has adult legs! I know I said he had a growth lull, but this is just plain ridiculous! 

… 

Zim signing off. 

**Log Entry #66.**

Another standard mission today, nothing too out of the ordinary happened. We were on a mission to isolate a clinging moss from the Beach City Citizens, or "townies" as GIR refers to them. The particular moss was dangerous and fast growing, capable of devouring any living thing that crosses its path. Sort of like the Infinite Energy I created many years ago. Except the moss is a different kind of monster, one which has no frightening outward appearance. I suppose that makes the moss more of a threat to humans! They wouldn't know to run away. That's why the Crystal Gems needed to section off the area with police tape before we could figure out how to transport the moss away. 

Steven broke for lunch shortly after. It's a good thing he did, because I've been having some negative thoughts. Irken lifespans are ten times that of a human's. Someday, many years from now, I may see Steven wither away like he did three days ago. His near death due to accelerated gem aging must've been a terrible ordeal. Yet he still hasn't talked to any of us about it since it happened! I hope this doesn't become a trend. 

I don't know what else to write. Like I said, nothing too out of the ordinary happened today. Oh wait! I forgot what Minimoose told me. He went with Steven, who apparently hung out with Lars and the cool kids in town. There were teenage shenanigans and magical trouble, but everyone made it out okay. If they hadn't, I would be freaking out way more than I was earlier. It turns out that the moss was just trying to bloom! That makes sense. It was planted by Rose Quartz, who sounds like an amazing person. I'm glad she and Pearl got to spend such time together. I should report back to the Gems, they'll be happy to know that the moss won't be a problem for any townies. 

… 

Zim, signing off. 

**Log Entry #67.**

IT HAPPENED AGAIN. I STOOD HELPLESS AND WATCHED AS PEARL WAS POOFED. It wasn't my fault this time. Even so, a lot of horrible memories came flooding back to me. I'm getting ahead of myself aren't I? I have a tendency to do that. Let me start from the beginning. 

GIR and I were invited to watch a film. Watching it hurt my head. For some reason Steven thought it'd be a good idea to watch the fourth movie in a series with no context! And the film wasn't even in basic, so I had to read the captions displayed at the bottom of the screen. The performances were good, although the plot was hoaky. It's unfortunate that the cover art spoiled the movie's crazy twist. I rate my viewing experience a 7/10.

Pearl is less forgiving than I am. She criticized the film for being nothing like real sword fighting. Which is true. But like Steven said, it was only a movie! Pearl then offered to show Steven a demonstration of proper sword fighting techniques when he was ready. Steven excitedly accepted. 

Pearl then took us all to the cloud temple where she trained me! So many memories there! Pearl said she was in need of a sparring partner and projected a Holo-Pearl. I was content to watch and cheer on for Pearl. At least until Amethyst suggested that Pearl and I have another battle. "At least that would be a little more interesting," she mused. She was right! She was absolutely right! We hadn't sparred in a great many years, and lately I'd felt rusty. Not as good at fighting as I used to be. 

The duel was magnificent. In the heat of battle, words are swept away and give way to actions. Moments of pure expression! Yes I lost the duel, but that didn't really matter to me. She skillfully parried all my attacks, but I was able to disarm her at one point! Steven was right, we were both awesome! 

What came next, however, put us both in shock. Holo-Pearl was still operational and standing by, so when Pearl began to lecture Steven, it detected an opening and THRUSTED HER SWORD INTO PEARL'S BACK. Steven teared up and Pearl chuckled nervously, telling him that everything was going to be fine. I knew what was about to happen next. She poofed into a white cloud, and I rushed to his side. I told him that this sort of thing has happened before. Of course, I didn't tell him HOW it happened. He doesn't need to know that. Garnet explained to him how regeneration works. Maybe Steven won't be forced to wait two weeks like I did. Maybe I won't lose my mind! 

… 

Zim, signing off. 

**Log Entry #68.**

HI, ZIM HERE. I DID LOSE MY MIND BUT I'M BETTER NOW. AT LEAST I THINK AM??? PEARL'S BACK… AGAIN. I AM!!!! VERY SHOUTY AND DRAMATIC!!! I… need to calm down. Wowie. 

It ended up taking two weeks for Pearl to regenerate, as I feared. I still went on missions with the other Gems, but we all missed Pearl. Like how I had to stay strong for GIR and Minimoose when Steven rapidly aged, I had to stay strong for Steven as we waited for Pearl to return. He blamed himself for what happened to HER. And later tried to fill the void with her holographic clone. Which got creepy. When the alien bug is creeped out, that's when you know things must be REALLY BAD. 

The holographic clone may have looked like Pearl, but it acted nothing like her. Amethyst was right, THAT STUPID THING JUST WASN'T PEARL. Even after it showed no visible emotion at the boardwalk, Steven and I thought that maybe it would recognize the cherry blossom tree as something Pearl loved. Any hopes of it acting even just a little like the template were dashed when the hologram cut the tree down with a stupid balloon sword from the boardwalk. 

Steven and I headed back to the beach house before it started raining again. We both grew to hate the Holo-Pearl and we left it outside in the rain. Maybe watching the fifth Lonely Blade would take out minds off- HOLO-PEARL ATTACKED US! Oh, well, it attacked the television first. Which was a personal attack. Steven hated Holo-Pearl as much as I did, only he wanted it gone. I on the other hand, wanted it DESTROYED. 

Holo-Pearl was an affront to the original Pearl. Steven said it perfectly. The original Pearl is smart and always wants to protect her friends from danger. All the holo clone wanted to do was fight! Steven accidently activated its "advanced" mode and that's when we realized. Holo-Pearl didn't simply fail to protect Steven from danger… now it WAS the danger! I protected Steven from Holo-Pearl's barrage of attacks, using all my training to destroy it permanently. Steven cheered me on as I did it. Holo-Pearl knew all of the original's techniques, but it didn't know a thing about me. A blast from my laser gun did the job. 

Garnet and Amethyst entered from outside, they heard fighting and were ready to defend Steven. Just then, Pearl regenerated! With a different look from before. Her older form started to make me feel uncomfortable after a certain point. A constant reminder of my "cringe phase" as Amethyst likes to call it. All my repressed feelings and memories were brought into consciousness, and the experience was a lot more cathartic than I thought it would be. Nice! I'm going to help Pearl clean Steven's room now. I don't want her to face the mess left from what recently happened. I may as well sanitize the beach house while I'm at it. And when Pearl and I are done, Steven can inhale the scent of a germ-free home! At least until GIR inevitably lets loose a germ army.

… 

Zim, signing off. 


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you had a happy holidays! I know I did. Spending time with family is always great, and I started playing Pokémon again, lol. Steven Universe Future has also been great! And I enjoy posting more chapters! Be sure to leave a comment or a kudos if you haven't already. And have a good Friday, guys!

**Log Entry #69.**

Another day, another monster to slay. The Ant Gem Monster looked cool, sure, but was defeated rather easily. That's a crying shame. Ants are formidable predators! I even thought about buying an ant farm in the past. And I've been looking for a real challenge ever since my duel with Pearl a few weeks ago. That holographic clone knew none of the real Pearl's tricks. It was just one step above the mindless monster I blasted today with my laser gun. 

When the Gems and I beamed in on the Warp Pad, we saw Steven's friend with him and posed in an attempt to impress her; Pearl feigned surprise at seeing Connie but I felt she was unconvincing. The two of them were on their way to see a movie named Dogcopter 3 starring Dogcopter, a flight capable robot dog that shoots missiles from its rear end. I found it amusing that GIR was excited watching the trailer. He himself is a robot dog and can do all those things! Okay so he doesn't shoot the missiles out there. But he can do so much more!

Why would Steven ever want to watch a movie about a robot dog??? When his BESTEST FRIEND is a robot dog THAT CAN TALK??? Perhaps it's watching a movie with Connie that excites him, not the movie itself. What's their ship name, Stevonnie? Such a healthy ship, I love it!

I wish I would've gone to the movies with them. And not because I was interested in watching Docopter 3. You know the phrase, it's about the journey not the destination? Yes, exactly that. Minimoose reports that Lion can walk on water, took Steven on a magical ride, and created a portal by roaring! The kids arrived in an empty training temple, where they found a collection of weapons and armor. Steven then unwittingly activated what I assume was a training robot that shot at him and Connie! Lion helped them escape the temple and Minimoose provided support.

Eventually the robot came back, more powerful than before. I initially assumed Minimoose was going to tell me that he saved the kids and destroyed the training bot. Or maybe even Lion. But no, the kids saved themselves! Lion summoned a sword from HIS HEAD, AND CONNIE USED TENNIS SERVES TO REFLECT THE ROBOT'S SHOTS. VICTORY FOR STEVEN! AND CONNIE! STEVONNIE! OR CONNVERSE. Oh and Minimoose thought that Dogcopter 3 was pretty okay.

…

Zim, signing out.

  
  


**Log Entry #70.**

I'm happy to say the Giant Pufferfish Monster was a greater opponent than last week's! We first clashed with the Corrupted Gem on the beach. It had the power to blow away Pearl's spear and even Garnet herself with just it's powerful breath. I thought about throwing a deadly explosive weapon in it's mouth, but Amethyst knocked the beast far out to sea by shapeshifting into a giant baseball bat. Normally I would be upset that a kill was stolen from me, but her form amused me and I knew the fight was only delayed anyway.

Garnet had smashed into the Fish Stew Pizza Restaurant, which understandably upset the owner. Garnet, Amethyst, Pearl and I regrouped back at the Temple as an irate Kofi questioned Steven. Apparently he banned us from his store? None of us really cared except for Steven, who decided to throw a small party on the beach in hopes of patching things up with the Pizzas.

We all sat down to eat and tensions started to boil. The Gems don't need to eat, for one thing. Steven intervened by asking if we would like to play volleyball. Steven picked the teams, and GIR and I served as announcers. At a certain point, each team resorted to using cheap tactics which resulted in them arguing how each was "cheating" at the game. Later, GIR and I left our commentary positions go and get the ball. As we ran after the ball, it began to blow backwards, and the Pufferfish returned!

GIR and I slipped back into our commentator personas as the Gems and Pizzas made a joint effort to defeat her. I'm glad that Garnet was the one to get the final blow, after being sent flying earlier before. The Crystal Gems did such a good job that Kofi officially unbanned the Crystal Gems from his store! I have a feeling GIR would've cried if he learned that I got him banned from Kofi's Pizza for life. 

…

Zim, signing off. 

**Log Entry #71.**

I chose not to go on a mission with the Gems. So that I could spend time with Steven. He ate seven whole cans of cream corn due to there being a five-dollar coupon for mini golf. Unfortunately, the Gems had to leave on a mission. GIR and I played Golf Quest Mini with him to pass the time. Steven played as Ace, GIR played as Lina, and I played as Wedge. I had fun defeating enemies like the Windmill and Professor Sandtraps, the three of us even unlocked a secret ending!

If only we could finish watching it! Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl returned as we attempted to watch the video, then Amethyst pressed a button on the ancient device they found which produced a HORRIBLE SOUND WAVE. STEVEN'S TV BROKE. I PAID FOR THAT WITH MY BABYSITTING MONEY. Pearl and Amethyst began yelling at each other, as they seem to every thirteen minutes. I was about to get a migraine but then Steven finally vented his frustration. Of not being able to control anything in his life. I've never, in all my life, seen Steven give vent to his anger. It's just not his nature!

Steven wished for a place just for himself, and much to our surprise, his gemstone activated the door to his mother's room. The Gems warned him not to go inside, but he ran in demanding some alone-time. Everyone except for Minimoose was locked out. That makes sense, the tiny purple moose has tagged along everywhere Steven goes for the past six years. Steven had been frustrated with the Gems, and so was I. That Wailing Stone they found looks ridiculous. 

Steven described his mother's old room as a magical place, all pink and fluffy and full of clouds, and he made a cute tiny pink whale appear. Like a whale version of Minimoose, it talked to him, and the room gave him whatever he asked for! Things were going great until the room built Beach City and trapped him inside. With weird versions of everyone... thank goodness he's okay. We did end up playing mini golf. And while I prefer the video game, I just like spending time with everyone. It gets lonely in the barn sometimes.

**Log Entry #72.**

Twelve years and I never see a giant woman. Now I've seen two in the span of six months! And this was a giant, _giant_ woman. Sugilite, the fusion of Garnet and Amethyst. Sugilite is a very big fusion with immense power and a very short fuse. Very bad combination.

We were just supposed to destroy a malfunctioning antenna. It seemed like a simple enough mission, Pearl had a well thought out plan ready, but was cut off by Garnet. "We don't need a plan. What we need is Sugilite." I was conflicted. On the one hand I respect Pearl, while on the other hand, I wanted to see Sugilite in action. A fusion of two Crystal Gems couldn't possibly be bad! Well guess what. It was bad. horribly, horribly bad. Sugilite had no good traits, only their worst ones. I don't know what I hated more, seeing Steven hit by falling debris or being called… little. I haven't been called little in years. I HATE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME THAT. I KNOW I'M LITTLE, DON'T RUB IT IN.

We warped away and left Sugilite to finish the demolition alone. Steven then came up with the idea to exercise as a group, obsessed with becoming stronger after witnessing the power of Sugilite. He enlisted Greg to build a makeshift gym on the beach. While he was building the equipment, I talked to Pearl. I sensed her hidden envy, as I harbored it for years towards Irkens who made me feel like I was nothing. Steven met us inside before I could start a deeper conversation, and explained to Pearl what he was doing. He wanted to be "strong in the _real_ way" like Sugilite. There's a more well-rounded strength than hers, one that's both mental and physical. Sugilite's strength isn't real. Garnet and Amethyst have strength that their fusion will never know. It's incredible.

You know what ELSE is incredible??? Pearl's singing voice!!! I don't think I've ever heard her express her deeper emotions through song, she should do it a lot more often! And that inspired Steven to sing a second verse, starting the workout with Greg, Sadie and Lars. Even I got in on the action! So did GIR and Minimoose. It was amazing! I felt incredible, like I could take on the world! But because I protect the world from devastation, I instead decided to find Sugilite and give her a piece of my mind. 

The Warp Pad was down, so instead, I took off on GIR's jetpack. We eventually found Sugilite angrily wading through the ocean. I really let her have it, to which Sugilite replied by catching us in her hand like flies. When Sugilite reached the beach, she threw us at Pearl like we were nothing. The pain was terrible, so I was content with standing on the sidelines when the fight between Pearl and Sugilite ensued. Despite Sugilite's superior size and speed, Pearl was able to outsmart the fusion, and separate her! The nightmare has ended! 

As Garnet and Amethyst apologized for what they had done as Sugilite, Pearl enthusiastically hugged both. I'm content knowing that they're in as much pain as I am. Is that awfully petty of me? Perhaps, but I think I've earned the right to be petty in this situation. 

…

Zim, signing off.


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not posting last Friday! I was way too busy, lol. I hope you enjoy this chapter, it sets up a lot of plot points while also having comedy and even speculation about Zim's past!

**Log Entry #73.**

The Crystal Gems were on a mission to look for the Glass of Time. As the name implies, it enables its user to travel through time. You know, one of my many plans to conquer Earth was to build a space/time object replacement device. Back then I didn't have the tools necessary to perform the job. But I probably do now. And looking back? I realize that altering the timeline is more foolish than productive! Anybody who would do that is a complete moron! Wait, does that make Steven the perfect moron? 

A shmillion Stevens teleported to the Seashrine, fighting for the hourglass! And seeing as how Minimoose tags along everywhere, there were a shmillion Minimoose! Yes, the usual plural of moose is moose. Amethyst added an S to moose, but I corrected her before Pearl did. 

I watched on as all the Stevens and Minimoose from different timelines fought each other for the hourglass, GIR was busy counting them all. Suddenly, one of the Pompadour Stevens shouted to all the other Stevens to stop. He destroyed the hourglass to bring things back to where they were, destroying every single copy. It disturbed me to see Steven die, even if it wasn't my Steven. Yes, that's the word I would use to describe this experience. Disturbing. Most disturbing. 

Steven bounced back faster than I did. He's even going to do a song about it during Beach-a-Palooza later today! I'll attend and listen, as soon as I finish drying off with this towel. 

I'm drying off because Amethyst picked up the wrong hourglass, which caused water to rush in and flood the Sea Shrine. I did my best to dodge the water, but then GIR ran away to pick up the other hourglasses. A huge wave formed behind him. I started to panic and Garnet stretched her arms forward, grabbing Steven with her left and GIR with her right. The huge wave engulfed us before we could warp out of there. Steven and GIR were washed away, the Gems had sea creatures clinging onto them, and I got burned. Sometimes I wish the Earth's water was GONE IN A FLASH! Wouldn't that be cool?

…

Zim, signing off.

  
  


**Log Entry #74.**

Steven made another friend today. Except instead of a human girl, it's a monster he accidentally released from a gem bubble and attempted to tame. A monster buddy. And not just any monster - a monster Steven helped defeat months ago. YES HER. THE CENTIPEETLE MOTHER.

Steven was alone in the Temple following a battle against the Ice Monster in a snowy mountain. Garnet slammed the Ice Monster into a wall, which caused the ice ceiling to cave in. Garnet bubbled Steven and warped him back to the Temple as rocks flew. Of course we survived. We always survive! However, we came back to see the Centipeetle out. I was about to shoot the monster but Steven told us that it didn't harm him at all and that he would attempt to train its wild, violent instincts. 

I put down the laser gun. Pearl objected but Garnet understood what I thought. Centipeetle was a horrible monster turned tiny green gremlin. That's similar enough to me that I showed her mercy, like the Crystal Gems showed me mercy all those years ago. Steven then began the training. 

I was explaining my reasoning to Pearl when Steven eagerly ran up to the house, wanting to show us Centi's new "trick." Every time Steven squawked like a seagull, Centi spit a stream of acid. One stream almost hit GIR! He laughed. I swear, that robot has no survival or self-preservation instincts.

Centi later helped us on a mission. Or more accurately, phase two. We may have defeated the Ice Monster, but failed to retrieve the Shooting Star from a shallow well found deep within the Ice Cavern. Technically that means the first plan was a failure. The second was a success, even with the complications. I think Centi got frightened and that caused her to spew acid all over. The Gems knocked Centi to the wall as Steven and Minimoose tried to convince them to stop. He eventually did, but... Centi isn't with us anymore. 

A large stalactite loosened from the ceiling during the battle and fell straight for Steven! He was hugging Centi and she pushed him out of the way, sacrificing herself to save Steven. On a brighter note, we learned he can bubble things! Like Pearl said, I think one day he'll help people in ways even his mother couldn't. 

…

Zim, signing off.

  
  


**Log Entry #75.**

WELL WHADDYA KNOW, STEVEN CAN HELP PEOPLE IN WAYS HIS MOTHER COULDN'T. HE HAS HEALING SPIT! WHICH IS AN AWESOME AND DISGUSTING REVELATION ALL AT THE SAME TIME. But I'm getting ahead of myself again, why must I always do that??? 

I attended a picnic today. It was a beautiful day for one. There was just one small snag—Steven was in the worst mood I've ever seen him in. Connie asked about the fence, and he told her the long story. It wasn't a happy one, either. Amethyst nearly died the day before... 

She was playing around on the edge of a cliff despite Steven's protests. I've stood on the cliff before, plenty of my favorite characters look cool standing on the edge of a cliff. You know what isn't cool? Joking around on the edge of a cliff. And of course GIR joined her. There's this idiom, "if everyone jumped off a bridge, would you?" GIR's response would probably be: "Probably! You're all smart, so the bridge is probably on fire!" An idiom wasted on an idiot.

But you know what? He's my idiot. So when they fell off and landed on a rock, Steven and I ran down the cliff at breakneck speed. Both were in a bad way. Amethyst's gemstone cracked and GIR seems to have reset. The files can be recovered, but he's going to be switched off for a while. I began repairs on GIR as Steven went to Rose's fountain, in hopes of healing Amethyst's gemstone.

She was eventually restored to her normal self, thank the stars, but Steven mistakenly made the assumption that his tears were what restored the fountain. When in reality, Pearl and Garnet simply unplugged a clog.

What gets me is that Steven didn't cry easily. And when he did, it was about his own insecurities. How he never got to experience a relationship with his mother like the other Gems did. I'm the only Crystal Gem who never had any experiences with her. His healing spit is sort of like a metaphor. They have things in common, but he's his own person. And Connie can see without her glasses after drinking out of Steven's juice box! SWEET VICTORY! Well, the juice box was mostly backwash, so maybe not quite sweet. A victory nonetheless!

…

Zim, signing off.

  
  


**Log Entry #76.**

GIR still isn't on! And it's been two weeks! TWO WEEKS! WHY IS IT ALWAYS TWO WEEKS??? I don't want to be left alone with my thoughts for too long. I'm bored to tears. I'm bored to death. I'm in a sort of half dead state.

But I've held together through worse times. And Mirror-Zim is good company. I'M the person that I spend the most time around and whose thoughts and feelings have the biggest effect on me. How you talk to yourself is incredibly impactful.

Finding the mirror was like finding a puzzle piece that made me whole. There are things we can talk about that no one else would understand. Not even GIR. 

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night, where I feel as if someone is around my neck, choking me. These night terrors have gotten worse with time. I actually feel like I'm about to die. I see terrible things, like I'm in another dimension. I can't even wake up properly from it. 

I think about my special place. A tiny galaxy, full of tiny solar systems and tiny planets! I often went there with Skoodge and Tenn, but sometimes I wanted to be alone and… 

Then I remember crushing the tiny planets. I can't stop thinking about the terrible things I've done in the past, how I played big so I could stop feeling small, and how I hurt people. I was terrible. I tell myself that I've changed. Earth changed me. But… that makes everything feel much worse. My mind works against me. It wants me to suffer. Like the people on those tiny planets suffered.

Well this log entry got dark.

…

Zim, signing off.


End file.
